|11 ESSENTIAL PILLARS OF A LOVE RELATIONSHIP.
Do you desire a quality love relationship with someone worth sharing your mind, emotions and resources with, and for that relationship to stand firm like an unmovable rock heading to the desired destination you’ve imagined in your mind? Then this article is for you.
A relationship doesn’t start and become solid of its own accord rather, there are some qualities or attributes that lead to the sustainability of the relationship.
When I talk about the pillars of a love relationship, I am indirectly referring to the qualities or elements a relationship needs that will eventually form pillars in a love relationship.
If you are about to go into a love relationship, this article is for you and even if you are already in a relationship, you still need this piece of information because it will give you some insights on the qualities to adapt to form a long-lasting healthy relationship.
What are the 11 Essential Pillars of a Love Relationship?
There are vital qualities that stand as pillars in a relationship, which give the relationship the capacity to stand the test of time. Let’s briefly look at these pillars of a lasting relationship.
Love is the foundational force that brings couples together. It is the basic food a relationship feeds on because, without it, there would be no reason to form any love relationship.
Even if I am of the firm opinion, that love is not strong enough to keep a relationship together, it is highly risky to start a relationship with someone you don’t love.
If your relationship will last and stand firm against all obstacles, it must be rooted in love.
Love is a unique force that creates room for other qualities to grow in a relationship.
Don’t go into a relationship with someone you don’t love or someone who doesn’t love you because it will have a negative effect on you as an individual. Below are four negative effects of entering a love relationship with someone you don’t love or someone who doesn’t love you.
a. You lose your peace:
Loving someone who loves you in return brings peace to your heart because you feel safe and comfortable in the relationship, but when you start a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you or with someone you don’t love, you end up losing your peace of mind.
When the person doesn’t reciprocate your love and affection, it will hurt your heart and affect your peace of mind.
b. You lose yourself:
When you give your heart to someone who doesn’t love you, you put yourself and your heart at risk because you may be taken for granted to the extent you start feeling underrated and inferior.
c. You get abused emotionally and otherwise.
A relationship where abuse prevails is a relationship where love and understanding are absent.
When love is not the foundational pillar of your relationship, you may end up becoming a meal when your partner starts to feast on your weakness or emotions.
d. You lose the relationship:
In a relationship where love doesn’t rule it becomes toxic for the occupants in it.
Friendship is very essential in lasting relationship building. It’s one of the strongest pillars that binds couples together.
Love is the foundational pillar of a relationship, but friendship helps to give beauty to love.
After the expression of love for each other, the next thing to do to make that relationship work is to become friends with each other.
When you become a friend to your spouse in a place of conflict, the voice of friendship between you both will bring calmness to the relationship.
Becoming a friend to your spouse does lots of good to your relationship, but for the sake of this article, I will highlight two of the benefits of friendship in relationships.
Benefits of friendship in relationships
A. It builds the relationship:
One of the purposes of starting a relationship is to become close to someone, to have someone to share your heart and soul with. Becoming a friend to your spouse gives you both the opportunity to become close to each other and strengthen the bond between you both.
B. It creates freedom:
When the atmosphere of friendship is established in your relationship, it becomes easy for you and your spouse to become free to express yourselves to each other without feeling embarrassed.
Friendship creates a friendly environment for love to express itself without restriction and fear.
C. It gives you the opportunity to know yourselves:
When the bond of friendship becomes a reality in your relationship, it friends you closer to your spouse and makes it easier for you both to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
No matter how sweet love is, you can’t see and feel the deepness of love in your relationship without the relevance of friendship in your relationship.
Ensure to build and establish friendship in your relationship if you want to enjoy a long-lasting relationship with your partner.
Understanding is another strong pillar in a relationship. It’s a factor that gives love and friendship a firm voice in a relationship. Without understanding, love will die a natural death and without understanding, friendship can’t stand the test of time.
Most conflicts we see today in relationships are not because of the absence of love, but a lack of understanding.
Understanding will teach you to react and respond to the reason behind an issue instead of reacting to the person or the issue directly.
Paying some sacrifices in your relationship is another potent factor that keeps a relationship together.
You must be ready to sacrifice certain things for your relationship to stand strong and stand the test of time. You must be ready to sacrifice your time, ego, money desires for perfection, privacy, self-centeredness etc because there can’t be a relationship without some certain level of sacrifice.
When you love and understand your spouse, the need for sacrifice wouldn’t be a problem.
When you and your spouse are committed to building yourselves individually, it has a direct effect on your relationship, and it helps to strengthen the bond between you both. But if only one person is constantly developing his or herself soon, one of you will fall or grow out of the relationship.
When love is found and a relationship is formed, don’t sit down and become relaxed rather, invest in knowledge to become a better you daily, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Be the person your spouse will be free to engage in intellectual discussion and feel satisfied, and not the type that can’t be engaged in any form of intellectual discussion. It is heartbreaking!
In a relationship where personal growth is not present, the break-up is not far away.
We live in a world where money has become one of the sustaining factors of a successful love relationship because, to a large extent, money gives love a beautified voice.
You need to gain some level of financial liberty before starting a relationship.
Love without money is stressful.
Benefits of money in a relationship.
a. Money beautifies love.
Have you seen a relationship where the couple is financially stable? Do you see how their relationship looks lovely and sweet? I am sure you have seen it and also desire to be in that beautiful environment of love.
b. It gives love the liberty to express itself.
Have you been in a state where you feel like gifting your spouse or date something special as a way of expressing your love to him/her but weren’t able to get her what you intended due to lack of funds? I guess you might have been there because I have been there, and sincerely speaking, such a position is discouraging.
Love is almost voiceless without money because it lacks the exciting force to express itself. In my opinion, love is 40% in words and emotions, and 60% in actions, but most times, these actions involve money.
To some extent, you need to have some level of financial liberty before you start a love relationship.
Love is limited without money. There are certain special things you would want to enjoy with your spouse or partner but since you are not financially ready for it, they just remain a wish in your mind.
c. It eliminates some relationship struggles.
Truth be told, the absence of money causes some conflicts in relationships in the relationship these days.
When you don’t have money in your relationship, you feel wrongly spoken to by your partner because you are not financially okay, and your response might end up being negative even when he or she doesn’t mean what you are insinuating in your mind.
Certain quarrels or misunderstandings in some relationships are related to money issues. You might have promised to gift your partner a birthday gift but failed to do so, not because you forgot but because you aren’t financially capable to fulfill such a promise. If your partner is the type who reacts easily without reasoning things out, he or she might tag you as the time who doesn’t care.
Money is not everything, but it is a major factor you should have in your relationship to keep it fully alive. It gives the relationship some level of peace and makes it easier for you to express what you feel in your heart towards your partner.
No matter the situation, try to do something to earn a living for your own peace of mind.
Communication is one of the most essential relationship pillars that is mostly neglected in a growing relationship. A relationship can’t survive without communication!
You should learn to talk to your partner all the time, and give him or her the opportunity to feel and hear what’s in your heart. Don’t assume they know how you feel and what you think about certain issues going on in your life because when you start these assumptions, you are using your hand to bury your relationship.
One sign you love someone is that you look forward to talking to the person all the time, regardless of the situation.
Communication goes beyond the expression of the lips. It also involves our body language, and both must express correctly for a healthy atmosphere.
You should learn to communicate your heart, anger, and displeasure in the right manner all the time to create a proper understanding. Never fall into the temptation of assuming that your partner understands what’s going on within you when you have not properly communicated how you feel because such character kills communication.
It is important to note that there can’t be proper communication without effective listening. How you listen to your spouse will tell if you understand her or not, because it will show in the way you respond in return.
Love talks and you should be ready to talk!
Humility is a state where one doesn’t feel more important than the other. It is a state where one doesn’t think highly of himself or herself and thinks low of the other person. When you feel more important than the person you are in love with, you are simply operating in pride and not in humility.
Humility is a binding factor that binds other relationship qualities to function properly for the purpose of building and not destroying. For example, when you gift your partner something special, if you are humble, such a display will be expressing love, but when pride dominates your actions, such a display might just be another form of controlling your spouse.
A relationship is not a competing environment where both parties fight to show their worth, but it is a platform where the individuals submit to each other in love. When humility dominates your relationship, you both will naturally compliment each other’s qualities instead of competing to prove a point.
It is a thing of pride and foolishness to build a relationship with someone with the mentality that you are doing them a favour. Such a mentality will cripple your creativity to build a lovely relationship and eventually turn you into an abuser.
Those who feel they are doing you a favour by building a relationship with you, are most times suffering from inferiority complex.
You are not doing your partner a favour by loving him or her because, in reality; you are doing yourself a favour by giving yourself the chance or opportunity to be loved. Hence, there’s no point in feeling highly or more important than your partner.
If you want to enjoy and build a sustainable love relationship, you need to come down from your mental high mountain by humbling yourself. Love doesn’t strive in an environment governed by pride, because pride naturally destroys things.
Pride and love don’t relate; it’s either you give up your pride for the person you love, or you lose the person you love because of pride.
9. KEEP GOOD BODY HYGIENE:
It is important to know that the success of a love relationship involves two people and not one hence, both parties must constantly work on themselves to always look desirable to each other and keeping good body hygiene is one of the most important factors to look into.
How you smell should be a thing of concern to you for the sake of your partner. Your partner perceives you matter a lot. Even if your partner accepted you the way you are, don’t remain that way, but work on doing something different about it.
If you noticed you aren’t smelling nice, seek help to build on the level of your acceptance. Love can make someone accept you the way you are, but you still need to improve on your acceptance level.
If you are the type who loves to kiss your spouse early in the morning when you wake up, then learn to brush your teeth before going to bed. You can’t just wake up in the morning to kiss your spouse after eating all the junk at night without brushing your teeth before going to bed. That trait isn’t good and they can reject you for that and if you aren’t careful, it might start telling on your personality wrongly. Brush your at least 2-3 times daily to keep your mouth fresh!
If you are the type who loves to be cuddled at night by your spouse, then learn to bathe and spray some delicate perfume on your body before entering the bed to meet your spouse. This will naturally create a cuddling state!
Don’t force acceptance into your relationship, create it by keeping good body hygiene.
A relationship doesn’t become strong on its own, it involves the commitment of two persons. It is one thing to start a relationship, and it is another thing to work together as partners to keep the relationship alive and strong.
You both must be ready to be committed to each other’s emotions, time, destiny, and ideas. It is not a part-time affair, but a full-time affair. Any relationship that lacks commitment won’t stay for long because it will die a natural death.
It is easier to commit to something you love. If your partner is special to you, committing to his or her life wouldn’t be a problem for you.
Bringing God into your relationship is the most important thing to do because God is love and he alone can add the unquenchable taste to your relationship.
To run and lead your relationship without God’s involvement, you are only setting your relationship for failure. God is the pillar that binds every other relationship pillar together and gives them the life to make them work effectively in your relationship without fail.
Bring God into your relationship and be at peace!
Take your time and go through all that is written in this article because it will enlighten your mind and give you some insight.
If you have some other points to make this article more colourful and also have some questions to ask, please comment on them in the comment section below.
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