Have you ever wondered how to get a guy to ask you out? Maybe there’s a guy you see every morning in your local coffee shop, and you’re tired of the banter between you and want him to ask you out already! Maybe you’ve matched with a couple of guys on a dating app, and you don’t know how to guide them toward meeting up in person. Or maybe you often meet handsome men when you’re out for dinner or at the tennis club with friends, but nothing ever comes close to a date.
Here’s the deal. Before I started coaching women, I used to coach men and help them build their confidence and a real connection with you, sexy, single ladies. What you need to know is most guys are terrified of rejection. There’s so much pressure on us to be the ones to do the asking, but that comes with the real risk of someone turning us down. And even if a woman does that in the kindest way possible, it’s still a dent in our fragile egos!
So, most men will only ask a woman out if they know there is a high chance they will say yes. That means if you want to get a guy to ask you out, you’ve got to give him just enough to make him think you’ll say yes, without coming on too strong. And this article will walk you through the steps to get there.
Why do you even want him to ask you out vs. asking him out yourself?
As the feminist movement has gained momentum, there has been a trend where women are encouraged and empowered to do the asking out. Why sit around waiting for a guy to ask you out (and get frustrated or impatient because he hasn’t got a clue) when you can make the first move?
By all means, ask a guy out if you want to. Naturally, you may feel a little daunted by the idea of it, especially if you’ve never done it before. But I want you to know that when someone gets asked on a date, there’s an exchange of power at play.
The person doing the asking is putting themselves out there and risking rejection. And at that moment, the person asked out has all the power. As a woman, you want to be in this position because you are making the guy invest in you early on and putting yourself in the power seat.
Plus, let’s be honest: it feels really good to be asked out, doesn’t it? And it’s way less nerve-wracking than doing the asking yourself!
Here’s how to get a guy to ask you out
1. Live an amazing life
Getting a guy to ask you out begins way before you get to the guy! The best way to attract a high-value man is to position yourself as a high-value woman. And how do you do that? You live an amazing life!
Enjoy your hobbies, pursue your greatest passions, kill it at work, and have fun with your friends. Have your own epic life and priorities so that you’re not dependent on any man showing interest in you or validating you. If you never have any plans in the evening or at the weekend, are available to go on a date at short notice, or worse, cancel plans for a guy you just met, it screams that you don’t have a life. And if this rings true for you, there’s no better time than now to start filling your life with wonderful things.
2. Have an outcome-independent mindset
Let’s say you’re out at a wine bar with a friend, and a handsome man catches your attention. In your head, you think, “I really want him to ask for my number,” or “I would love to go on a date with him.” And you start to focus all your attention and energy on this one guy that you haven’t met yet. You’re hoping for a specific outcome (this is called an outcome-dependent mindset), and what this does is it harms your ability to connect with him naturally.
What you want is an outcome-independent mindset. This mindset looks like, “I’m just going to head to this singles event and talk to at least five new people and focus on having fun!” You’re not dependent on a specific outcome. If a cute guy asks you out, great. And if nothing comes from it, that’s okay too. With this mindset, you take the pressure off, and everything feels lighter and easier. And this will reflect positively in your energy and how guys perceive you.
3. Spend more time where he does
Here’s how to get a guy to ask you out – be in places and situations where your ideal man will be. First, you’ve got to have a love vision so you know who you want to meet, which is Little Love Step #2 of our 7 Little Love Steps.
Next, think about where that guy would spend time. What activities would he be involved in? What interests might he have? Where is he on the evenings and weekends? Where can you maximize your chances of interacting with him?
4. Start a conversation
Let’s imagine you’re at a singles event, a high-end bar, or a golf club – somewhere with plenty of high-value men. How do you start a conversation with one of them out of thin air? Well, it’s a lot easier than you might think.
Women generally get asked out a lot, far more than men do. This means that when a guy starts chatting with a woman, he has to be more original to stand out. But men just aren’t used to women starting conversations with them. Even my most attractive friends aren’t used to this! That means the bar is a lot lower for you. You don’t need to crack a hilarious joke or be super original. All you need to do is give a man an opportunity to lead the conversation.
- Anywhere: “Hey there!”
- At a bar: “What are you drinking? That looks delicious!”
- At an event: “What brings you here tonight?”
- Somewhere a sports game is playing: “I didn’t know a game was on. Who’s playing?”
These might sound simple and obvious, but that doesn’t matter. These will spark an easy conversation, and that’s what you want!
5. Communicate your interest with your body language
When you’re talking to a guy, pay attention to your body language. Your body gives away a lot of clues and adds to your energy. For example, crossing your arms or legs or avoiding eye contact will make a guy think you’re not interested in him. And, like I said, if he thinks you’re not interested, he won’t ask you out!
Remember to pair whatever you say with a smile – I call this “smalking” (smiling while talking). Maintain a healthy amount of eye contact, face toward him, and maybe even break the physical touch barrier if it feels appropriate.
6. Be fun and playful
Think about it this way – are you going to be more attracted to the super serious, uptight guy or the one who is joking around and able to laugh at himself?
Fun, playful energy is contagious. So when you’re talking to a guy you like and want him to ask you out, keep things light, tease him, and don’t be afraid to poke fun at yourself. The more fun he has talking to you, the more attracted he will be to you. The more attracted he is, the more he will want to see you again.
Editor’s note: Ready to attract love with a proven strategy? Watch this free video to learn the 7 powerful steps
7. Ask for help with something
Another great way to get a guy to ask you out is to ask him to help you with something. That doesn’t mean you need to act like a damsel in distress. I know you’ve got your life together and don’t need a man to help you. But help or support can be refreshing, especially if you’re a woman who is super independent and used to doing and figuring out everything on your own.
So if you need help carrying something heavy to your car, reaching the top shelf in the grocery store, or filling the air up in your car tires, and there also happens to be a cute guy around, don’t be afraid to ask.
8. It’s all about positioning
Generally, I don’t recommend going to a bar or club to meet guys because the quality of guys you will meet will be fairly low. Copious amounts of alcohol do not tend to lead to genuine connection! High-end bars like wine bars are a better option, as well as networking and singles events, friend’s parties, etc.
Wherever you are, there are certain things you can do to encourage a man to talk to you and ask you out. Firstly, make sure you’re in the center of the room. If you’re off in a dark corner, it will be difficult for him to get to you without it being a trek! Make sure you’re standing rather than sitting because it’s super awkward trying to converse at different eye levels. And do your best to have fun. This is not the time or place to have a serious life talk with your BFF.
My final tip is don’t be wasted. One or two drinks are fine and may help you loosen up. Any more than that is OTT; most high-value men will not want to start a conversation with someone drunk.
9. Invite him to join you and your friends
If there’s a guy you already know from work or have a friendship with and you want to get to know him more, invite him to join you and your friends in an activity, whether it’s going for drinks, a summer barbeque, or a local food festival. This will allow you to spend quality time together without the pressure of a date. And if you hit it off, this will be a golden opportunity for him to ask you on a more formal, one-on-one date.
10. Mention your weekend plans
Another way to get a guy to ask you out is to casually mention your weekend plans while talking to him. This will help you see if you have any shared interests, show him you have an amazing life already, and give him some helpful tips on the date he should take you on.
11. Compliment him
Women give other women compliments all the time. But men don’t tend to have this kind of dialogue with their guy friends. So when a woman thoughtfully compliments us, it means something and leaves a lasting impression.
So if you notice and appreciate something in a guy you’re attracted to, don’t hold it in. Just make sure it is coming from a real place. Don’t be all over him – one compliment is enough to make a real impact. This will give him the confidence or extra nudge to ask you out.
12. Up your social score and keep meeting new guys
My final tip to get a guy to ask you out is to make sure you continue to meet and interact with new guys each week. In our Love Accelerator community, we encourage every woman to keep a “social score.” This is a simple way of tracking how many new guys you meet each week or month. A point will be added to your score for every real-life conversation or meetup with someone you’ve never spoken to or met before. So multiple conversations or dates with the same guy don’t count.
In the community, women share their social scores, and we encourage everyone to meet new people all the time, even if they’ve already met someone they like. This helps build your social confidence and keeps your dating options wide open. The more single guys you meet, the more dates you’re likely to go on!
Now you know how to get a guy to ask you out; it’s over to you. What one thing can you do today to increase your chances of a guy you like asking you on a date? Drop it in the comments below!