Not sure whether your guy wants you to leave him alone or not?
Can’t figure out if he secretly just wants you to chase him?
No worries. It’s not too hard to figure it out if you’re alert, attuned and know the signs.
Let’s help you work out what exactly he wants right now.
Why Does A Guy Want You To Leave Him Alone?
Some guys simply have work to do. Others need time with their family or just to be in their man cave.
But to be honest there could be many reasons why a guy wants you to leave him alone.
Other reasons include:
- He’s lost interest
- He’s not that into you
- He’s under a lot of stress
- He needs time to figure something out (something important to him)
- He wants to chase other women
- He wants space
- He’s annoyed with you
- Last and most painful – he thinks you’re low value and that you’re taking too much from him (thus he can’t give anymore)
Did you know…There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Does He Want Me To Chase Him Or Leave Him Alone?
There’s a big difference between a guy wanting you to chase him versus him wanting you to leave him alone.
A guy who wants you to leave him alone will:
- Not be responsive if you reach out
- Even if he does respond to you, his responses will feel glib and lacking in warmth
- Not give you much attention, even if you try to add value to him
- Not want to make eye contact with you
- Won’t initiate contact with you
- Will be much less likely to comment on or like your social media posts
- If you try hard to chase or contact him, he might even start to push you away
A guy who wants you to chase him will:
- Still try to make some eye contact with you
- Try to act cool, not cold
- Show interest in responding to your texts and calls; and
- Be cheeky or playful
Now, if you’re like many women, you may not agree with me. You may assume that some guys will actually act too “cool” or like they don’t care when they want you to chase them.
There’s some truth in this, but it’s only true for a particular type of guy.
If you’re asking does he want me to chase him or leave him alone, that alone indicates that his behavior hasn’t made it clear to you, or alternatively, that you’re trying to have hope where there is one.
(Ie: A guy is ignoring you but you hope he’s just playing games and actually does still want you.)
But if he’s really, truly acting like he doesn’t want you, but somehow his behavior still leaves you wondering if he wants you to chase him – he’s got issues.
Yes there are some guys who would actually act more cold (or hot and cold) when they want you to chase them.
In other words, there are some men out there who will push you away in an attempt to get you to chase them.
With a guy like this, the lines between him wanting you to chase him and wanting you to leave him alone are blurred, and there’s a reason for that…
- It’s because of trauma; or
- It’s because of their attachment style.
With regards to attachment style, basically, they would be highly anxious or anxious-avoidant individuals.
In other words, they have insecure attachment patterns.
People like this may act more aloof and cold, even when they want you to chase them. They can actually be a little scary at times, even.
But my question to you is:
Why would you want to chase (or be with) a man who acts in ways that push you away?
Why would you want to be with a man who self sabotages his very own chances with you (and with any other woman) for that matter?
Isn’t it kind of…unintelligent for him to act that way?
Plus, despite the secret desire of an avoidant man to have you chase him, you have to understand that you’ll be dealing with him sabotaging the relationship for years to come if you get serious with him.
I hope you got some clarity and some answers to the question: does he want me to chase him or leave him alone – now we will look at the definite signs he wants you to leave him alone.
#1: He Always Ignores Your Calls and Texts
He’s likely not playing hard to get if he always ignores your texts and calls. If he’s always ignoring your texts and calls, he probably doesn’t want to talk to you or interact at all.
Having said that, it’s important for me to say that there are all types of guys out there, and some are more manipulative or messed up than others.
Knowing this, we can conclude that there could be a few different reasons for this avoidant behavior:
- You could have recently had a bad fight, and he needs to cool off
- He’s got avoidant attachment style or disorganized attachment style and he tends to cycle in and out of this behavior (of ignoring your attempts to make contact)
- He’s toxic and manipulative; or
- He genuinely doesn’t want to interact with you.
So this particular sign needs to be interpreted alongside the rest of the signs. If taken alone, this sign could mean many things!
#2: He’s Disappeared On You
Most men don’t disappear on you because they’re being coy.
They disappear because they’re not committed to you, and they don’t want to commit to you. Despite what they may say.
So if he’s disappeared on you, that could be a sign that he wants to be left alone.
It could also be a sign of him not wanting to invest in the relationship anymore.
If he’s disappeared and you’re in pain, wanting to know the next steps to take, I invite you to take my course on How To Be High Value When He Pulls Away (In EVERY situation).
The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.
#3: He’s Told You He’s Got “Things To Do”
When a man says he’s got things to do, it means these things are highest on their priority list, and they take these things seriously.
Men aren’t as easily swayed by the pull of intimate relationships and the emotions surrounding them as feminine women are.
This doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.
It just means that their centre of gravity tends to be to go and do something useful.
Whether that be making money or fixing a broken tap, it’s pretty important to them.
And if we ignore the message they’re sending as women, it makes everything a lot harder.
It’s like men ignoring you when you tell them that you need to get ready for a night out. They don’t see how it’s important for you to spend 2 hours getting ready, but you do…
Terrible analogy, but I hope it makes sense to you nonetheless.
If he just told you that you can throw on some jeans and a t- shirt and rush out of the house, you’d be offended or feel like that was ridiculous…because it’s important to you to feel radiant and well presented.
So if a guy has told you that he’s got things to do, try not to take it personally…take it as it is. He’s got things to do, and he needs to be left alone.
At least for now.
Would you like to know one thing you can say to him that will capture his attention?
#4: He Sighs A Lot Around You
Sighing can both be a sign he wants you to leave him alone, and a sign that he needs more human connection and closeness.
Whether that unconscious need for human connection is with you or not, I cannot say for sure.
However, sighing is a way for humans to release stress. Thus if he’s under a lot of stress when he’s around you, he may sigh a lot and hope for more distance from you in order to lower his stress levels.
Sighing is also a sign that he’s experiencing anxiety or fear. If he tends to sigh a lot around you, then perhaps he’s often anxious when around you, and sighing is both a way for him to:
- Feel better; and
- Let you know that he doesn’t enjoy being around you
I am not saying that his sighing is your fault. It may just be that he finds conflict with you stressful, or even that he finds getting closer emotionally with you stressful (as avoidants often do).
Regardless, sighing a lot may be a sign that he needs alone time in order to regulate his stress levels.
#5: He Walks Off Mid Conversation
If it were you as a woman doing this, there’s a decent chance that you’d want your man to chase you down to talk to you again (because to you, it shows that he cares).
But if your man does it, it’s a little different. He might want to be left alone. Other reasons for him walking off include:
- Him feeling disrespected
- Him feeling angry; or
- Maybe he hates you
It all depends on the context in which he’s walking off mid conversation. So before jumping to conclusions, it’s a good idea to have a think about what happened before, during and after the conversation.
A lot can be deduced from you listening to your gut or even just trying to feel what he’s feeling.
#6: He Tells You He Needs Space
Of all the most obvious signs he wants you to leave him alone, this one is one of the most telling…
If he’s told you that he needs space, then that means he needs space.
And if he needs space, that means he needs to be left alone.
So try not to read any other meaning into it. Like that he wants you to send him 25 text messages telling him you love him, because he probably doesn’t.
He just wants you to leave him alone.
Although this might make you feel sad or hurt, it’s usually not the end of the relationship. Especially if you are able to show respect towards his desire for space.
Many men actually need space after spending time connected to a woman. The reason for this often relates to him needing to rebuild his testosterone levels.
It sounds so trivial to us as women, but it really means a lot to your man if you can give that to him.
Here’s The ONE Perfect Thing To Say To Him When He Says He Needs Space. (This is one of the most popular articles on my blog, with over half a million hits.)
#7: You’re Always the One Starting Conversations
When someone wants to talk to you, you’ll find them initiating conversations with you.
Whether that be through texting conversations or phone calls – they’ll find a way.
And in any healthy relationship, you won’t always have to be the one initiating conversations either.
So if you find yourself constantly initiating conversations (while he doesn’t), that’s likely one of the signs he wants you to leave him alone.
Try not to be too offended by it. Instead, see it for what it is – a signal that he doesn’t want to talk.
And that’s ok. He has a right to decide whether he talks to you or not.
The more you respect that now, the higher the chance of him wanting to talk more with you in the future.
Remember that it’s not always about you, either. So try not to be too sad….I know it’s hard.
But sometimes guys just feel like they can’t give you what you need, and sometimes they feel like they don’t have the skills to connect with you.
A lot of men are actually naturally bad at connecting with women. One way you can overcome this innate disconnect and make him open up to you is through high value banter.
When you use high value banter, you bring a distinct and attractive sense of playfulness and comfort into a conversation.
This playfulness is exactly how you inspire a man to open up more and actually feel deep emotional attraction for you.
Don’t know what high value banter is? No problem. CLICK to take this free class presented by my husband. It has lots of hilarious and exciting examples you can use yourself, today!
CLICK here to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”! (…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)
#8: He Doesn’t Include You in His Future Plans
If you’re excluded from all of his future plans, he probably isn’t intending to spend a lot of time with you.
Or at the very least, he’s not in a place where he’s feeling ready to include you in his life.
If he feels strong enough emotional attraction and emotional connection with you, that will allow you to overcome his lack of desire to include you in his future.
A lot of women think that a man only commits when he’s ready. But when they use the word “commit”, they’re referring to marriage.
A man can marry a woman he’s not in love with.
Remember, marriage isn’t real commitment. It’s a symbol of a man’s commitment.
Commitment is when he’s pair bonded with his “one and only”.
And when they’ve found the one and only, they’ll commit with every cell in their body. And it will be an emotional commitment.
He may not have the career, the money, the house or the experience to give you everything he believes you need.
But you will never have to search for signs he wants you to leave him alone, that’s for sure, because you won’t be able to get rid of him!
This is the power of emotional attraction.
Want to know the 5 feminine secrets that make a man fall in love with you and beg you to be his one and only? (Even if he’s been distant, avoidant or losing interest?) CLICK here to get your copy of my program “Becoming His One and Only.”
#9: He Spends More Time with His Friends Than with You
If he goes to his friends whenever he’s down or wants to have fun (and doesn’t care how you feel about this), then he likely wants you to leave him alone.
A man who is proportionally more invested in his friends than he is in you probably trusts you less than he trusts his friends.
This isn’t me saying that a man should always put his woman above his friends, this is me bringing attention to his level of investment in his friends versus his level of investment in you.
Though we all love our friends, it’s not nothing.
#10: He Hints That He Feels Suffocated in the Relationship
What do we all do when we feel suffocated?
Try to take in a breath of fresh air. It’s only natural, right?
So if he hints that he’s feeling suffocated, or if he tells you that he’s feeling suffocated in the relationship, he’s saying he needs to be left alone in order to breathe.
And again, that’s ok. It might be a good time for you to just think about the relationship and see what caused him to feel suffocated.
As scary as it may be for you when a man says he feels suffocated in the relationship, I see it as a good time to use up yourself to become more resourceful for him, for yourself, and for the relationship overall.
How to become more resourceful?
Start by feeling what you feel.
And then feel what he feels. Yes this is as hard as it sounds, and that’s why most people don’t do it.
Most people feel more comfortable either feeling scared, trying to fight his need for space or even trying to blame the guy for feeling suffocated.
#11: He Criticizes Your Behavior or Actions Frequently
Does he seem extra critical of you lately?
Is he suddenly critical of you when he never used to be?
Well, it could be a sign that he’s trying to push you away.
And if he’s pushing you away, chances are, he wants you to leave him alone.
But could he maybe still love you or want to be with you if he’s highly critical of you?
Sure, he could. He could just have bad habits of being critical, picked up from his parents.
Deep down inside he could still love you and want to be with you…
Just remember that this doesn’t make his behavior ok though.
No matter how much someone loves you “deep down inside”, they could still do great damage to you emotionally and physically.
#12: He Says “I’m Too Busy” When You Want to Catch Up
“I’m too busy” is another way of saying “I don’t want to meet up.”
Some people are genuinely constantly busy, thus it’s really hard for them to make time to catch up with others.
But there’s a difference between “I’m too busy” and “I’m so busy – but let’s make it work.”
#13: He Threatens to Break Up But Never Does
Out of frustration or hopelessness, sometimes people threaten the relationship.
It’s not nice, but people do it nonetheless.
If your guy often threatens to break up with you but never actually breaks up with you, that means that a part of him still wants you around (or can’t let you go).
But at the same time, he may feel like he needs time to himself, or time away from the relationship.
He doesn’t really want to break up with you, but perhaps he feels like he needs:
- More autonomy
- Time to process something painful
- To feel more masculine in the relationship (perhaps he’s feeling emasculated and wants to be left alone)
- Freedom; or
- Acceptance from you
He can need any one of these things and still not fully break up with you.
However, in some cases it’s possible that a man feels like he has no choice other than to threaten to break up with a woman in order to get some of those much needed things.
Some examples are cases where the woman is overly clingy, nasty, controlling or smothering.
There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.
#14: He Is Always Picking Fights or Arguments
It may seem weird that someone who needs to be left alone would pick fights or arguments, especially when they could technically just say “I need alone time.”
But as we all know, it’s not always that simple.
Some men can’t say what they need directly. Maybe they’re afraid of their woman or just afraid of conflict.
They could also be afraid that saying that will make her upset or angry.
Instead, they have to legitimize their distance from you somehow. Picking fights may seem like a good way to do this.
Even if they get to be alone for just a few minutes, maybe it seems worth it to them.
#15: He’s Irritable
Irritability can be a sign of a number of things, but most commonly it is stress that causes irritability.
That stress doesn’t have to be related to you. It could be related to:
- Childhood trauma
- Other relationships
- Lack of sleep
- Hormonal imbalance
- Mental illness; or
Regardless of the reason for his irritability, it usually is a sign that he needs to at least do something for himself.
Some men won’t want you to leave them alone completely when they’re irritable. They may appreciate it if you injected some humour or banter into your interactions to lighten up his mood.
Others may appreciate “favours” of a certain kind (if you see what I’m getting at here…)
And others may really need you to leave them alone.
The only person who can work out what he truly needs is you, in all your empathic glory.
#16: He Doesn’t Make Eye Contact With You
One of the first things someone will do when they don’t want to talk to you is avoid eye contact with you.
But I don’t want to make it sound like a lack of eye contact is always a sign that someone wants nothing to do with you.
In actual fact, a lack of eye contact could also be a result of their anxiety, shyness or general discomfort.
So this sign really can’t be taken on its own. But if it occurs along with a few of the other signs, such as he asks you to leave him alone, he tells you he’s too busy, or he’s ignoring your texts and calls, it indicates that he definitely wants you to leave him alone.
#17: He Doesn’t Initiate Sex Anymore
…Or he rejects you when you initiate sex.
If along with a number of the other signs we spoke about above he also doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s a good sign he wants to be left alone.
Perhaps something happened in your relationship that turned him off the idea of sex with you. Perhaps he is just going through something personal that’s taking away his sex drive.
But if this occurs for months on end, and after several months you still feel like he’s distant emotionally and physically, it might be a good idea to consider whether he’d prefer to be left alone.
Of course, you don’t want to just jump to conclusions just because you’re feeling rejected and hurt.
You still need to be smart about this and you have to consider everything that has happened in your relationship in the past in order to make the right decision here.
What To Do When A Man Wants You To Leave Him Alone
As you can see from the above signs, there are a number of reasons why a man could want you to leave him alone.
- He could simply be needing some temporary space.
- He could feel like the relationship is over.
- Or he could simply be afraid of intimacy (ie: he is an avoidant).
What you do when he wants you to leave him alone mostly depends on the context. Having said that, in all contexts and scenarios, here’s the first thing you must do:
1: Leave Him Alone.
Give his request the respect it deserves. Unless you have reason to believe he is going to harm himself. Then you really have good reason to violate his boundaries.
It’s ok to leave a guy alone. It might be very hard for you to do if you love him. You might become anxious, you might find it hard to concentrate, to eat or sleep, but remember he is his own person and he has a right to ask for space.
You’ll have a much better chance of getting back with him (or bringing him back to you) if you:
- Listen to his request and act accordingly.
- Show him the respect he deserves as a man. (Ie: you don’t go and start furiously banging on his door just because you think he should be stuck to your hip).
It’s hard to override your desires in the moment with logic and a sound mind sometimes. But think of it like this:
Leaving him alone gives him what he wants. It’s a form of value and respect that you offer him. And it really is your best choice here. Unless, as I said, you have good reason to violate his boundaries.
You might find that all those sleepless nights spent wondering if he’d come back were worth it when he begins to feel your absence!
2: Don’t Beg Him to Come Back
Don’t resort to begging, because not only is it low value behavior, it really means nothing.
What’s the significance of begging someone to come back to you?
Is it that it signals to them that you really need them in your life? Does it mean you’re willing to stoop low, losing your dignity in the process of trying to get him back?
None of this is real value to a man, and neither does it do much for your own self esteem.
So let’s aim higher than begging, yes?
#3: Don’t Accept Anything Less Than Being His One And Only
A lot of the time, if you’re deeply attached to a man you’ll accept him back after he’s pulled away. Even on terms you are not happy with, just because you’re relieved to no longer be in pain.
But if you accept a man back, you have to be sure that he wants you back because he sees you as his one and only.
If you know my work, by now you’ll know that for men, there are only two types of women, and they place the women they meet into one of these two categories:
- The one and only category; and
- The one of many category
What’s crucial for you to know here is that he can come back to you even if you’re one of many. He could just keep you around for decades if you’re his one of many, and never commit emotionally.
So what you need to do is make sure that you’re not in the “one of many” category. Because men will always come back to their one and only.
If you’re unsure which category you’re currently in, ask yourself this question:
“Has he ever been in love with me? (Not infatuated, but in love.)”
If the answer is yes, then ask yourself if anything may have happened to cause him to irreversibly remove you from the one and only basket (such as you cheating on him, for example).
Now if you’d like to ensure you’re always in every man’s “one and only” basket, see my popular program “Becoming His One And Only.”
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Here’s an interesting video I made on The Women Men Commit To Vs The Women Men LEAVE:
Frequently Asked Questions
Will He Come Back If I Leave Him Alone?
Not necessarily. Leaving a man alone isn’t enough to make him come back. He has to feel deep emotional attraction for you and you have to be pair bonded to ensure he will come back.
What Does It Mean When A Man Tells You To Leave Him Alone?
It means leave him alone.
There are no hidden meanings to his words. He means what he says.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.