Marriage is an important decision and a big step that brings a significant change in your life. It’s crucial to consider all the factors that will impact your and your partner’s life before committing to marriage.
It doesn’t matter how grand your wedding will be or what gifts you will get. People celebrate the union of a two people for rejoicing the moment and create memories.
But it is you who has to be 100% sure about everything before getting hitched.
Not all relationships lead to marriage. There are couples who are in a long-term relationship but break up before marriage. There could be 100 reasons for not getting married to your partner.
Being in a relationship with a person doesn’t guarantee marriage.
If you want to get married to but confusion plays with mind. To make your job easier, here are some important things to consider before getting married that will help you identify your needs and help you take the right decision.
Clear your head and start thinking of the minor details that could matter.
18 Things to consider before getting married
Are You Both in Love?
Marriage is no joke. It’s a life-long journey with a person, and there could be so many challenges lines up. Before you decide to get married, the first consideration is whether you are in love with your partner.
However, love can be a fleeting emotion, but it is also the only thing that keeps a relationship going. Without you loving your partner or vice versa, the marriage is likely not to be succeeded.
Even if you are in a relationship with your partner for a while, you still have to be honest about your feelings for your partner.
Thus, before you say ‘I Do’, be sure about what you want and how genuinely do you love your beloved that you are ready to marry.
Do you trust each other
Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Before you say yes to your marriage, you need to ask yourself, can I trust him/her enough for a lifetime?
Often you are in a relationship, but there is a lack of trust that may be because of the reason you have been cheated once. You have a doubt about your partner that they might repeat.
Hence, it would be wise not to get married to your partner. Because you don’t trust them and without trust, a marriage can not survive.
If there is immense love between you and your partner, and trust is the only issue. Both can regain and rebuild trust with given time and patience. Once you have achieved the complete trust in your partner, consider getting marry and settle down with a happy life.
How much intimate are you in your relationship
Intimacy in a relationship varies from couple to couple. You can only be intimate with your partner if there is a certain level of comfort and respect.
Intimacy is not just about getting all physical, intimacy also means emotional involvement.
The more you are emotionally attached to your partner, the better your intimacy level will become, the better your relationship will be. Hence, there is a maximum chance your marriage will be healthy and happy.
This point brings back a fleeting memory of my past relationship where I had a two years relationship with this guy, but both never felt intimate. We mutually broke off because of several other reasons and moved on with our life.
Breaking up was the right decision for me because I couldn’t see myself happy in that relationship where there is a lack of physical intimacy and compatibility issue.
Consider discussing about children
You are on the verge of getting married, you should certainly ask your partner about kids. Like money talk is important, a healthy conversation about kids is equally important to know.
Marriage is the first big step and a commitment. Once you get married, every couple dreams of having a baby who would make their life exciting with their naughty activities, laughing and giggling.
From bringing the baby into the world to shape them into a good human being is a huge commitment. However, many do not want to engage their life in parenthood. They don’t want kids. These decisions are personal and no one expresses them publicly.
Thus, before you step into the first commitment, ‘marriage’, you need to talk with your partner about kids and know what they want, how they imagine their role as a parent, etc.
If you want and your partner doesn’t, this mismatch might create a rift in the marriage. But like I always say, with an effective communication you can find any solution.
Thus, it is an important topic to discuss before you consider getting married to your partner.
It is a common practice for most of the people to be open about their religion before they are planning to get married. Basically, you have to come to an understanding with each other about religion practices.
If both have different religion beliefs and values, discuss it before considering marrying. Because it will always be a part of you, respecting and accepting each other’s religion is crucial to keep your marriage healthy and free from getting toxic.
Discussing religion matters will help you identify any obstacles that might come in the way of your marriage.
It is important to know how your partner feels about sharing finances after getting married. Money is important. It can make a relationship and break marriages.
There are several cases where finances are the main reason for divorce. Not everyone knows how to deal with financial crisis that don’t affect your marriage. Not everyone knows how to be respectful of each other’s money matters after getting married.
Consider asking your partner about their financial conditions.
Do they have any debts or loan?
Do they have enough savings?
Is there any financial dependency his family has on them?
Are they comfortable sharing finances post marriage?
These are some of the key questions related to money you can ask your partner to get a clear perspective.
Based on the communication, you will have an understanding of your financial responsibilities and how both can work together in managing finances.
For Example, in my marriage,I manage all our finances that we share. I take care of the savings and investment. My husband takes cares of paying bills.
Family or Career
The importance of family or career is different for everyone. Some give family more importance over career and vice versa.
When you are tying a knot with your partner, it is important for you to know what your partner cares about more.
Some find happiness in earning more money and achieving corporate rewards. Some find happiness in less and being able to be with their family means everything.
It varies from person to person. Once you understand your partner’s preferences and priorities, it will help you identify both the person’s characteristics.
For example, my husband is less career focused, and he is always available to us whenever we need him. He has ambition for growth and doing well in his career, but when he has to choose between his career and family, he always gives his family the first preference.
The same goes for me. Before getting married to him, on our dates I asked him this question that whom he gives more priority family or career. He chose family over career and he maintained that for 7 long years.
How much freedom you will have post marriage
I believe you must validate with your partner before getting married about how much freedom you will have post marriage.
Your partner might convince you that you will have the complete freedom over your decisions, can go out with friends anytime you want, there will be equality among husband and wife and so on post marriage.
But, as you know, marriage is a union of not just two people, but of two families. For many couples, marriage brings a lot of traditional responsibilities.
In Indian families, when you are married, rules are different for the daughter-in-law. They have to follow all the weird traditional duties and there is hardly anytime left for them to enjoy for themselves.
It’s often difficult to find equality in a marriage. However, it is necessary to take time off sometimes from your career and husband duties and find reasons to be happy for yourself.
It is essential for both to have a good amount of freedom where they can do things that motivate them.
Before getting married, you must see if you will get trapped in your marriage or your partner will be supportive enough to have your freedom and life.
Do you communicate openly with each other
When considering marriage, it is crucial to ensure that you and your partner have open communication.
Communication is the backbone of any relationship and without it, you may find yourself feeling disconnected from your significant other. It is vital for couples to talk about everything. Open communication helps partners feel seen, heard, and understood.
When there is no fear of judgment or rejection, both individuals are free to express themselves fully, which leads to deeper intimacy and connection.
I have discussed and emphasized several times on the importance of effective communication in a relationship. Thus, if marriage is in your mind, consider this point seriously, as you do not want to end up in a marriage where there is no open and healthy communication.
Do you handle conflicts in a healthy and productive way?
One of the biggest factors that can make or break a marriage is how couples handle conflicts.
This is why it is crucial to discuss with your partner beforehand how you will approach disagreements and resolve them, particularly when emotions are running high.
In a relationship, conflicts are bound to happen but it is how you and your partner handle those disagreements must be taken into consideration. Marriage is a union that will last for years, and you will undoubtedly experience hiccups along the way.
Understanding how your partner deals with conflict can provide insight into their communication style, emotional intelligence level, and patience. Take time to understand both yourself and your partner’s approach to disagreements.
Do you prefer sitting down calmly and discussing issues one-on-one, or do you need some quiet time before hashing things out? Evaluate how conflict resolution plays out in your relationship.
Do you provide emotional support for each other?
Before getting married, couples should consider whether they are emotionally supportive of each other. Do they listen carefully when their partner shares their feelings?
Are they empathetic towards one another’s struggles? These are crucial questions to ask before committing for life. Emotional support is an essential aspect of any healthy relationship, and it becomes even more critical when two people decide to get married.
Marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, and having someone who can provide you with emotional support during these challenging times can make all the difference.
Ask any married couple, they will always emphasize on how emotional and moral support can deepen the bond between two married individuals. Providing emotional support requires effort and vulnerability from both parties; it is not always easy when dealing with our own emotions while also trying to help others.
However, building this foundation before getting married sets the tone for a healthy partnership for life.
Have you and your partner fully processed and healed from any previous relationships before committing to marriage?
Everyone carries some emotional baggage from their past. Whether it is the hurt caused by an ex or unresolved issues with family members, our previous experiences can significantly impact our present and future relationships.
Before committing to marriage, it is essential for both partners to ensure that they have completely processed and healed from any previous relationship trauma.
Unresolved issues could lead to trust issues, communication breakdowns and potentially damage your marriage.
For example, if your partner had a traumatic past of which he/she always feel disheartened and upset, ensure you provide the maximum emotional support, love and care. Before tying the knot have an open communication about your feelings and so on.
Equation with the in-Laws
Marriage can be a life-changing event. Before getting married, couples should think and see how much they are compatible with their in-Laws.
It is important to consider the equation between you and your in-Laws as they will be a part of your life and if you are not compatible enough, it will directly affect your marriage.
Many couples overlook this point, considering not important enough to pay attention. But studies show many marriages end up in divorces because of toxic in-Laws.
I strongly advise the couples who are in a committed relationship and want to get married must consider look into how much they are comfortable with their would-be in-Laws.
How is their behaviour towards you?
Are they showing the same amount of respect and love?
Are they trying anything negative that might cause a rift between you and your partner?
Look for the implications and understand their behaviour pattern.
You can never fulfil everyone’s expectation. When getting married, each person in the family sets several expectations of you, you try hard to fulfil all the expectations but you fail. There after comes the complaints.
If you are considering marrying your partner, you should find out what are the expectations your partner and his/her family are expecting from you.
If you think you can not fulfil their demands and expectations, and the union doesn’t bring any happiness, it is better you walk away from marriage.
To save your relationship, and if you want to tie the marriage knot, talk to your partner everything about expectations.
Know about your partner’s aim in life
Before you getting married to your partner, I think it is better if you know about their aim in life or ambition.
Are they career driven?
Are they laid back towards their responsibilities?
What are the long-term plans or goals?
What future do they hold for themselves?
These are some of the key things you should consider asking directly before you get married to them.
It will give you a clear picture of their personality.
Are You Both Friends?
One of the most important decision in life is to get married to the right life partner.
How will you understand if the XYZ is perfect for you or not to spend your life?
The best way to get to know your partner is by being friends first.
Look for yourself how good you both are together as friends. How strong is your friendship? Because if your friendship is strong, your relationship will have good understanding, trust and compatibility.
Along with all the other element friendship is one of the thing you need to consider before you think of getting married.
As friends, both can establish a great bonding and trust. You will have a comfort zone with your partner and can be easier for you to share anything with them.
There is no such thing as ‘perfect couple.’ Every couple and relationship have flaws. It depends on you how you can improve your relationship and lead a healthy married life.
Each Other’s Priorities
What are your priorities? I am asking you.
Just like you have priorities, your partner also has the same. You need to take time to get to know your partner’s priorities before you commit yourself to marriage.
That’s why dating frequently is helpful. As you will get to ask so many questions and get to know each other a little better after each meeting.
First date itself is enough to know a person partially. Then, if you think you both can be a good match and take baby steps to know them better.
Priorities are the things that are more important for one person than the other. Everyone has a distinct set of priorities. Before committing, make sure the priorities of both are compatible.
Do You Picture Yourself Happy Being Married?
Picture yourself married with your partner and visualise are you happy or not.
Marriage is a serious commitment. Modern marriages have more chances of breaking down because of unlimited reasons.
No one can guarantee you that your marriage will be a successful one. There are problems in every relationship.
That’s why before you give your commitment to marriage to someone, you must consider everything negative and positive aspects of both the personalities to avoid further hindrances in your marriage.
Not all marriages go through a smooth road.
I have mentioned 14 things to consider before getting married and these are the points that have helped me in maintaining a balance in my seven years of married life.
You may try them and see for yourself.