One thing we’ve discovered about love, relationships, marriage and how to stay in love is…
Great relationships DO NOT happen by accident…
In fact, it’s true about not only your relationships, but everything in life…
A great “anything” doesn’t happen by accident…
Take couples who “fall in love” and “stay in love” for example…
What we’ve found is that “falling in love” and “staying in love” are two different things.
The falling in love is often easier than the staying in love, but for the couples who somehow manage to do both the question is…
How do they do it?
How do these couples seem to beat the odds and do what most couples can’t seem to do?
There are several ways that couples keep the fires stoked and burning long after the initial attraction.
Here are 3 secrets to stay in love..
Secret # 1
Couples who stay in love seem to actually talk to each other differently than couples who are headed for divorce court.
They are simply kinder to one another and don’t jump to conclusions, reacting defensively.
In any relationship, words can wound and words can heal.
We’ve found that words and your intention behind those words truly can make all the difference between whether you stay in love or your relationship becomes a divorce or breakup statistic–
When you allow love to flow through you instead of old habitual ways of communicating, there is the opportunity for deeper connection and a richer relationship.
Couples who “fall in love” AND “stay in love” over a long period of time “ditch competition.”
We can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen it in our coaching work with individuals and couples…
Couples compete with each other about big and small things (even in playful ways) and sit around in amazement
when the life has been sucked out of their relationship or marriage and they are left wondering…
The reason is simple:
In our opinion, there is no room for competition in a relationship between couples who are intimate partners or married.
Competition shuts down cooperation and “getting on the same page.”
If you doubt whether this is true or not…
The next time that you and your intimate partner or spouse have a friendly little competition about anything, when you are finished, ask yourself one very easy question:
“Do I feel closer and more connected to him or her or do I feel distant and more disconnected?”
We’re willing to bet that you’ll feel more disconnected if there is any kind of competition between the two of you.
Of all the people we have ever worked with personally, especially those deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship, not one of these people has ever said to us…
“I feel like we’re really on the same team here–we’re splitting up!”
It just doesn’t happen.
Here’s the Susie and Otto rule for this:
In order to “stay in love,” make sure that you and your partner or spouse ALWAYS look for possibilities for how to play on the same team, even when it seems impossible.
The potential challenges, upsets and heartbreak are just too great if you don’t…
And the rewards are great if you do.
Secret # 3
Couples who “fall in love” AND “Stay in Love” remind themselves and each other regularly about what they like, love and appreciate about each other.
Often one of us will ask…
“What do you most appreciate about me?”
To many people, it may seem kind of silly for a couple who’s been together as long as we’ve been together to be telling each other what we appreciate about each other all the time.
But for us, appreciation has been important to staying close and connected and we regularly acknowledge each other for big and small things.
Try this with your partner every so often and notice the difference it makes in your relationship.
Simply say to your partner:
“Something I really appreciate about you is____________”
And then fill in the blank with what you like, love or appreciate about him or her.
This alone can sometimes work miracles in a relationship or marriage.
Please know that we’re not naïve enough to think that in all cases simply “appreciating each other more” will solve all your relationship ills.
We’re not suggesting that at all.
What we are saying is that relationships need feeding to keep them alive and these are 3 great ways to stay connected and in love over the years.