A few weeks ago, a lady approached my husband and me with a question;
“You seem to have an amazing connection as a couple, how do you cultivate it?”
I listened as my husband took time to share what has helped us over the years – building our friendship, and conversation, enjoying each other, and creating good memories.
Later as I reflected on our conversation, I marveled at how “easy” it is to create a great marriage.
By easy I mean doable; a great marriage is not a big mystery.
It’s not something reserved for a select few. Deuteronomy 30:11 says, “Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.”
Godly principles are not out of reach for the everyday couple (that’s you and I). His truth might not always be easy to live out, but it’s attainable.
So here’s what I’d share with this precious lady..e the extended version, preferably over a cup of tea.
1) Love God More Than You Love Your Husband
Allow God to tutor your heart to love. Love Him deeply, passionately, fully. When you love God more, you love your husband better.
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
2) Surround Yourself With Couples Who Have Strong Marriages
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, Jim Rohn said.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. Proverbs 27:9
3) Invest In Others.
Don’t be a reservoir, be a channel.
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13:16
4) Forgive Your Husband.
You will fail. Extend grace to yourself. It will be a sweet aroma to your marriage.
6) Choose Joy.
A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
7) Talk A Lot
About the little things, about small things. Especially when you don’t feel like talking. Relationship walls begin to build up when we stop talking about the little things.
I’d say, it’s easier, more fruitful, to work at being a better friend than being a better wife. (It’s tricking your mind, really.) There’s nothing a man (or woman) wouldn’t do for a friend.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted. Proverbs 27:6
9) Protect Your Marriage.
Always and forever. No excuses.
10) Honour Your Husband
In the big things and the small things. Be intentional about lifting him. Make it your ambition to bathe your relationship with honor, even in the moments you disagree.
Not just in the bedroom, but in life.
12) Dream Together
And Have Your Dreams
Marriage is amazing but if it’s all you have, you will drive your man to the roof.
14) Invest In Making Good Memories.
It’s one of the few things you can take to the future.
15) Put On The Mindset Of Christ
See life and your husband through the eyes of Christ. A great marriage is only possible when we see and treat others as Christ does.
Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6
He might never make it to “the funniest man” list in town, but make him feel like he’s the most entertaining guy in yours. Nothing blesses a guy‘s heart like a happy laughing wife. And knowing he’s the source.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
17) Be A Hottie In Bed
Or at least try. Begin to try.
18) Speak Up More.
Instead of assuming he can read your mind.
19) Be Willing To “Loose”
So you can win the relationship.
For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. Matthew 23:12
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. James 4:6
20) Think More.
21) Surprise Him.
With gifts, with notes, with attention, with meals, in bed. Cultivate a little mystery. Invite him for a life-long chase.
22) Cultivate A Relationship Normal.
23) Don’t Try To Be His Holy Spirit.
Be his wife. That’s all God wants from you. All the job He gave you.
24) Pray For Him Daily.
Prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan – John Bunyan
25) Call Him, Text Him Everyday.
Let him know he’s loved, thought of, and cherished.
“You get more of what you affirm. Have you ever noticed that when someone praises you, you want to repeat the behavior that caused it? Notice the good things and affirm (your spouse). Call them out. Acknowledging your spouse is huge in terms of reinforcing the behavior and getting more of what you like.” – Michael Hyatt
Outdo one another in showing honor, Romans 12:10
27) Hold Hands
Constant physical touch is good for your soul and the soul of your marriage.
28) Try To Tell Him Why You Love Him.
It’s not enough to say “I love you”. Tell him why.
“He thought I only had 3 reasons (why I love him) and he was so happy (that I have 43) and that I am happily married to him. He promised to make marriage more fun.” From a wife who decided to take the “Why I love my husband list” challenge.
29) Pray Before You Confront.
And continue praying during and after. Invite God into your heartache before you invite your spouse.
30) Admire Him.
Gush over how strong he is as he lifts and moves things around the house. Touch his body in wonder. Marvel at his thinking and ideas. Make him feel like the most amazing man on earth. Because he is. Or should be. To you.
31) Never Take Him For Granted
Thank him for what he does, even if it’s his duty. Make him a big deal. Always.
32) Put Down The Phone, Shut The Computer
Peace. Give each other undivided attention.
33) Take Care Of Yourself.
Cultivate friendships with other women. If you don’t have good friends, go out by yourself. Read a magazine. Paint your toenails. Start a hobby. Your happiness is your responsibility, not your husband’s.
34) Take A Break From The Mundane.
Start a new hobby together. Drive out of town. Take a walk in a new side of town. Explore a new city. Visit a museum. Take a vacation.
35) Always Assume The Best Of Him
Watch the story you tell yourself about your husband. Be alert and catch those “small foxes that spoil the vine” Song of Solomon 2:15
36) Be An Easy To Please Wife
Don’t make it hard for your man to please you.
And the Bonus tip? You don’t have to be perfect at any of them. I am not perfect. Just keep working at them, don’t quit.
They keep celebrating gains. A great marriage is not about arriving at a perfect state.
It’s about the journey, enjoying the process, rejoicing over the
distance you have covered, and looking forward to greater days ahead.