If you want things to change in your relationships and life–and make love last, you can half-heartedly wish they would change and keep talking about what’s wrong…
Or you can get gutsy and actually make the changes you want in your life.
We know we make it sound simple (and it isn’t) but here’s what you may not know…
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman…
The truth is that if you don’t get gutsy about making the changes you know you need to make, what you’re experiencing right now will also be what you experience in your future.
Awhile ago, Susie talked to a young woman who has had a problem with unwarranted jealousy. She had just bought our course “No More Jealousy” and she had a question.
This woman had tried one suggestion from the course and had already seen positive results. She hadn’t gone into a jealous spiral when she and her boyfriend were at a party together and he innocently talked to another woman.
Her boyfriend, in turn, noticed that she wasn’t jealous–and was appreciative, although a little unsure about where this new behavior was coming from–and whether he could trust it or not.
This woman told Susie that although she counted that as a big step in the right direction, she still felt uneasy inside and here’s what Susie told her…
“Get gutsy and focus on the sliver of what happened that is in alignment with what you want instead of focusing on behavior that you don’t want.”
Does it take guts to not listen to those voices from the past that say, “You’ve been cheated on before and it will happen again”?
Sure it does.
But nothing will change unless she challenges those voices and makes more empowering choices for herself.
What we’re talking about here is not turning a blind eye to what’s going on in front of you or even behind your back that you don’t want in your life.
We’re talking about taking an honest look at what’s going on in your relationship, and starting with yourself, making the changes that will bring you more of what you want.
Your relationship challenge may not have anything to do with jealousy but we’re guessing that whatever it is, it may take some gutsy moves on your part to start creating the kind of relationship and life you want.
Here are 4 gutsy ways to make a fresh start in your relationship…
1. Question your internal stories
The stories you repeatedly tell yourself are the ones you end up living out.
So if you’re telling yourself that “I’ll never be able to change” or “She’ll/he’ll always be this way,” your focus is on not having what you want.
If you want things to change for the better, it’s important to become aware of your thoughts and then make choices of what you focus on that are more empowering rather than allowing old, destructive patterns to hold you hostage.
It takes guts to make those kinds of choices and it takes choosing one thought at a time, one moment at a time.
2. Commit to truth-telling
Telling your truth to hurt your partner isn’t gutsy and it isn’t what we’re talking about.
We’re talking about reaching into your core and speaking from a place inside you that is your irrefutable truth.
And this starts with telling yourself the truth.
Many people who have bought our “Magic Relationship Words” program found these phrases helpful in starting difficult conversations that involve telling your truth…
“This relationship is important to me and…”
“I love you and…”
You might finish these phrases with something like this…
“I want us to grow together–so it’s important that you know what I’m thinking about this…”
3. Stop holding onto resentments
The thing about resentments is that usually the only person they hurt is you.
Resentments can not only play havoc with your emotional well-being but also your physical health as well.
When you hold onto resentments, it usually means that you’re dwelling on the action or actions that created it in the first place.
In other words, you relive the pain of what happened, over and over.
Holding onto resentments is a form of self-abuse, even though you probably haven’t thought of it in that way.
And it usually doesn’t cause the other person to change.
We’re not suggesting to blindly trust when there’s no reason to.
We are suggesting to stop reliving the past and hurting yourself–and instead look toward the future you want.
4. Allow yourself to get comfortable with not being comfortable.
Most of us enjoy being comfortable in our relationships and lives and we don’t enjoy it when there’s tension and we’re at odds with those we love.
It’s just not fun!
But the reality is that we are all distinct individuals, even in the most connected and loving of couples.
The plain truth is that there are going to be differences.
It’s normal for two people not to see eye to eye on everything.
But those differences don’t have to tear the two of you apart.
Those differences, no matter how uncomfortable they might make you feel, can be ways to new growth and expansion if you look at it that way.
In Dr. David Schnarch’s book Intimacy & Desire, he makes a startling statement based on his research.
He says that in every couple, one person has more desire in the bedroom than the other person has.
And this difference can either not be a big deal–or it can be a deal breaker, depending on the amount of difference.
It’s what the two people do to find a solution that fits both their needs while staying open to each other–no matter how uncomfortable–that dictates whether their love lasts or not.
It comes down to whether the two people are gutsy enough to stay open to one another and do the things that will keep their love alive–or not.
Sometimes having guts means doing something that you never thought you could do–but you know will help you create a better relationship and life.
Sometimes having guts means listening to yourself and to your partner in a new way.
Whatever it means in your situation, we invite you to take a step toward a better relationship and life.