Monday, June 12, 2023

A Touch Rusty At Touching ⋆ Rain DeGrey

Dirty Talk Advice ColumnYour skin is how you explore and experience the world. Packed with nerves it provides both pain and pleasure as it responds to a myriad of touch stimulations.

The feeling of being touched is something that most of us desire on a very instinctual level. Our need for touch is so important that babies deprived of it are at an actual disadvantage. Babies that receive regular loving touch gain weight faster, develop stronger immune systems, crawl and walk sooner, sleep more soundly, and cry less. Given all this, it is little wonder then that we crave to indulge in the act of touch.

The past few years have cut us off, quite literally, from the level of interaction that many of us took for granted. After a few years of limited interaction, getting back into the swing of things, something long fantasized about, can feel unexpectedly nerve-wracking. How does one get back to their old self and shake off the rust? The Dirty Talk Advice Column has the answer!

“This is probably going to seem like a silly question, but I don’t know who else to ask…I used to LOVE touch. Total touch slut. It is one of my favorite forms of sensation. It’s just that I have gotten really rusty and out of practice over the past few years. Now that things are starting to open back up and I will finally have the chance to go back to the things I crave, I have realized I actually feel kind of rusty and off my game. Not to mention, I have packed on some pandemic weight and don’t feel as confident as I used to be. How do I get back to my old touch slut ways? I feel out of shape…in more ways than one.”–It’s Been Too Long

If it helps any, you are far from alone. It isn’t just you who has been rusty with touch, it’s all of us. Months of isolation and limited contact stack up. The muscles we previously used all of the time withered and atrophied. To be clear, I am referring to mental, emotional, and social muscles as well as physical. You are not the only one who feels out of shape. Most of us do, in one way or another.

Start With Self-Touch

Rather than jumping right back to where you were before the whole world shifted sideways and then feeling awkward or frustrated that it isn’t quite the same, start out small. Have you been keeping up on self-touch? Massage, applying lotion, self-care? Applying lotion to the skin and doing some self-care isn’t just something women do. These are equal opportunity activities. A long relaxing shower followed by a good moisturizing and hydrating session can really shift our relationship with our bodies and skin.

Massage TouchIf you’re starting to feel more comfortable with being around other people, another low-stakes way to get back into the feeling of being touched is to schedule a massage for yourself. You don’t have to worry if your touch game is off, you just have to relax and let someone work those tense worried muscles loose, Ask around to see if anyone you know can recommend a good massage therapist who can reacquaint you to being touched.

Every Small Achievement Adds Up

You mention feeling out of shape physically—this is the perfect time to start to course correct that! As annoying as the fact might be, the honest truth is that the better we take care of ourselves physically, the better we feel. Of course, the couch is a mighty temptress, as is another calming round of comfort food, but we always pay for it in the end. Most of us have put on some pandemic weight in one way or another.

Stacked AchievementsStart with the gift of giving yourself some self-care. Refamiliarize yourself with those underused muscles. You don’t need to run a marathon. Small adjustments in diet, sleep and hydration can work wonders. You will find those small adjustments will pay off and you can build off of that foundation. It will get easier the more you do it and the reward of feeling more comfortable in your skin is a big one.

It’s Important To Be Honest

Even as a self-identified touch slut, you don’t have to jump back into cuddle parties right away, hoping that nothing will have changed. hold space for yourself (and others!) to acclimate. Be honest. Honesty can be scary, and it can feel very vulnerable, but it is also where the magic happens. TELL anyone you are interacting with “Hey, it’s actually been a while.” Addressing the elephant in the room doesn’t make it magically appear, it actually makes it smaller. Clear communication sets you up to win. Trust me on this one.

Electric TouchBy having the courage to be honest and vulnerable, you set up the space for others to be the same. They are almost certainly sitting on the other side of the equation feeling just as rusty themselves. Tackling that fact makes everything flow smoother. As opposed to trying to go right back to how things were “back in the day” give yourself permission to get there gradually. Build up those muscles. I hope there is much touch in your future and all the dopamine that you deserve. Best of luck. You got this!

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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