Monday, June 12, 2023

Anxiety Makes Me Awkward Around Women ⋆ Rain DeGrey

Dirty Talk Advice ColumnAnxiety is a hot crippling fog that spreads out and contaminates everything it touches. Once lost in it it can feel impossible to escape. How does one successfully wrangle a toxic fog? Surely it can not be done.

The good news is that it isn’t impossible. The bad news is that it IS difficult. So how exactly does a person undertake a challenging task they have a lot of apprehensions around?

Today’s column comes courtesy of a frustrated virgin who finds themselves unable to interact with women without becoming tongue-tied and awkward. In more good news, you don’t have to be a virgin to get something out of this column! If you have ever found yourself struggling with nerves and anxiety when it comes to your fellow humans, you will find some of today’s tips useful.

“I don’t know what to say to women. Like, I have no clue. It doesn’t help that I am still a virgin and I hate it. Women are just so perfect and pretty and I get so flustered. I’m miserable. How do I talk to women? I always do it wrong and come off looking like a fool!”–Goddesses Are Making Me Anxious

There is a lot to unpack here GAMMA, once one starts to spiral down the rabbit hole of anxiety, it can feel like an impossible task to climb out. But there is a difference between something that feels like an impossible task and something that is actually impossible. You are not attempting to jump to the moon and back, your goal is one that with time and willingness can be achieved.

Stop With The Pedestals

Woman on PedestalStep one is to stop putting women on pedestals as unapproachable Goddesses. They are not. They are painfully human, just like you. Yes, humans with all of the flaws and failures that entails.

The higher we put someone on a pedestal, the more unattainable we make them and the more out-of-reach they become. Women have bad days, gas pains, and B.O. Women can wreak havoc on a bathroom just as much as a male colon can. They are HUMAN, not ethereal beings that sweat rose petals. The sooner you stop shoving them onto pedestals, the sooner you can stop feeling so anxious around them.

The mythologizing of women as somehow “special” and “pretty”, like a complex ornamental rose, is damaging for all parties concerned, not just your anxious self. Once you have stopped viewing women as unapproachable goddesses and allow them to be fellow humans in your head, you are going to find interacting with them to be much easier.

Do Only Women You’re Attracted To Cause You Anxiety?

Anxiety Around WomenYour letter does not clarify if you find all women as “perfect” and “pretty” or just the ones that you are attracted to. I am going to hazard a guess however that you don’t find yourself particularly tongue-tied and awkward around 85-year-old friends of your Grandma. That is your starting point. Work out from there.

You also don’t state how often and under what circumstances you are approaching women and becoming painfully tongue-tied. Is it happening with the cashier that is ringing up your groceries? Or, more likely, is it only an issue if you look up from the pop tarts and apples being slid across the scanner and see that the person at the register is one that makes you feel tingly in the pants region?

Step two, after breaking the habit of putting women on the pedestals they never asked to be on in the first place, is to not only approach women that you are sexually attracted to. The specter of your anxiety and fear is essentially guaranteed to make all such attempts go pear-shaped fairly quickly. Talk to and interact with ALL women like they are fellow human beings. The more practice that you put into doing this, the easier that interacting with them is going to become.

What are you passionate about? Gaming? TV shows? Sports? Online trivia? Collectibles? Volunteering? Online discussions? Politics? Find something that you enjoy and are into that involves other humans and go do that. Think of it as exposure therapy. Heading out with the express purpose of “Must successfully talk to a pretty lady. I am going to mess it up somehow.” basically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Talking to people with no other motivation than just discussing a common interest has a much higher chance of success.

Create Positive Interactions

Positive InteractionsAnd all of those women you talk to without the baggage of fear and anxiety getting in the way? You are much more likely to create positive impressions if you are interacting with them in a calm manner and not tripping over your anxiety right out of the gate. Women that have positive interactions with you are more likely to want to interact with you more. They have friends. They know other people. You will find yourself acquiring natural and organic interactions without as much crippling anxiety. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

I have no doubt that the stress around your virginity takes up so much mental bandwidth that it is your main focus. Understandably so. Joining groups and attending events, talking to ALL women and not just the ones you desire, learning not to mythologize women, those can seem like side quests that distract you from your goal. I promise you that doing the side quests will make your main goal more achievable.

Best of luck GAMMA. You got this. And don’t forget, women fart and trip over their own feet too. They are not magical unicorns made of starlight and pearls. Let them be human and they will become much less intimidating.

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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