Let us start with the
biggest and perhaps the most important mistake. The reason we decided to get
married! Unfortunately, we marry for all the wrong reasons and that is why
almost 50% of marriages end up in divorce.
1) Pressure from our environment. The pressures from our environment are because we have reached an age close to or more than thirty and we have not yet
married.
2) Insecurity. Feelings of insecurity that if we do not
get married to the person we are together we will not be able to find another
person who wants to marry us.
get married to the person we are together we will not be able to find another
person who wants to marry us.
3) Sudden conditions. A sudden pregnancy leaves us with no
other options.
4) Sudden love. A sudden love that ends in 6 months
after marriage.
after marriage.
5) Immaturity. We are not mature enough to realize that
marriage is a ‘life choice’ and takes a lot of thought and a lot of effort in
order not to make us unhappy.
marriage is a ‘life choice’ and takes a lot of thought and a lot of effort in
order not to make us unhappy.
6) Wellness: Economic comfort has now become a
key criterion when selecting a spouse in today’s society. Think of someone who
must add value to your well-being and not just someone who will be benefiting
from you alone. it has to be 50/50 or 60% from the for being the head.
key criterion when selecting a spouse in today’s society. Think of someone who
must add value to your well-being and not just someone who will be benefiting
from you alone. it has to be 50/50 or 60% from the for being the head.
7) Non-logical thinking: The young age that can lead to hasty decisions without any
logical thinking!
8) Your words. This is one of the
marriage principles that people fail to follow. What happens in most cases is
that most people don’t wash what they say. “Filter of logic” on the spoken
words, apply wisdom to your words. As a result of our words, we throw
words that wound the other person, words that create sourness, disappointment, and offensiveness, and words that most often we do not believe… but unfortunately, the negative effect they create is hardly forgotten by the other half.
marriage principles that people fail to follow. What happens in most cases is
that most people don’t wash what they say. “Filter of logic” on the spoken
words, apply wisdom to your words. As a result of our words, we throw
words that wound the other person, words that create sourness, disappointment, and offensiveness, and words that most often we do not believe… but unfortunately, the negative effect they create is hardly forgotten by the other half.
This situation creates
the first problems in the story of our marriage. The lack of respect towards
our spouse is a mistake, which over time makes the two people enemies rather than
being in love.
the first problems in the story of our marriage. The lack of respect towards
our spouse is a mistake, which over time makes the two people enemies rather than
being in love.
9) Lack of communication. The failure to
actively listen to our spouse is another big problem. People have become very
selfish. We tend to do more talking and we have forgotten to listen. We are
always correct and the other person is always wrong. We do not do any
self-criticism but we tend to continuously criticize our partner.
actively listen to our spouse is another big problem. People have become very
selfish. We tend to do more talking and we have forgotten to listen. We are
always correct and the other person is always wrong. We do not do any
self-criticism but we tend to continuously criticize our partner.
We rarely hear what
they are saying to us and even more rarely have we done something to change
what may have disturbed or wounded them. As a result of this, we end up with no
speaking but watching television. Neither of the two wants to listen, see or
feel.
they are saying to us and even more rarely have we done something to change
what may have disturbed or wounded them. As a result of this, we end up with no
speaking but watching television. Neither of the two wants to listen, see or
feel.
After identifying the
reasons that create problems in a marriage, the next step is to take some
corrective actions to solve those problems and give the marriage a chance to be
successful. One of the ways to do that is to follow some proven marriage principles.
Marriage principles are in essence things that you should do and
things that you should not do or say in marriage. If the couple follows these
principles then the chances that marriage will be successful are increased.
things that you should not do or say in marriage. If the couple follows these
principles then the chances that marriage will be successful are increased.
10) Be fair, you are not always correct. Be fair with yourself and partner and have always in your mind
that you are not always correct. You may be sometimes wrong in your decisions
and thoughts. It is a fact that when two people disagree, the truth is
somewhere in the middle. And when two people separate then certainly the blame
is on both. If from time to time we forget the middle ground and do not
compromise then this will create severe problems for our marriage.
that you are not always correct. You may be sometimes wrong in your decisions
and thoughts. It is a fact that when two people disagree, the truth is
somewhere in the middle. And when two people separate then certainly the blame
is on both. If from time to time we forget the middle ground and do not
compromise then this will create severe problems for our marriage.
The marriage principle, in this case, is to compromise and accept the fact that you are making mistakes
and sometimes exaggerating more than needed.
and sometimes exaggerating more than needed.
11) Do not promise your partner anything you cannot do. If the marriage was based on our many promises, but these
promises were never made into reality, it is perfectly logical to be full of
frustration and anger. The words and promises are made too easily when we love
and when things go well. But when you get into a difficult situation things
change. This is the time to stop the unreal promises and start taking action.
promises were never made into reality, it is perfectly logical to be full of
frustration and anger. The words and promises are made too easily when we love
and when things go well. But when you get into a difficult situation things
change. This is the time to stop the unreal promises and start taking action.
12) Everybody makes mistakes Accept the simple
principle, that all people make mistakes. The mistake is part of human nature
and we should be able to forgive and look to the future. If we rehash the
mistakes, and if in any disagreement we mention one hundred other reasons we
should in the past be angry with our partner, then this will kill our soul
and will fill it with anger and bad memories.
principle, that all people make mistakes. The mistake is part of human nature
and we should be able to forgive and look to the future. If we rehash the
mistakes, and if in any disagreement we mention one hundred other reasons we
should in the past be angry with our partner, then this will kill our soul
and will fill it with anger and bad memories.
13) Respect to be respected Perhaps while we
promised to respect, eternal love, and devotion, we do not follow this path? Maybe
we did not understand that marriage is a commitment to life and we must
respect and honor the person with whom we connect our lives. Showing a lack of
respect for our partner, whether occasional or on a permanent basis, is perhaps
the biggest mistake that we make. When respect is not mutual in a marriage then
it is more likely that marriage will end up in a disaster.
promised to respect, eternal love, and devotion, we do not follow this path? Maybe
we did not understand that marriage is a commitment to life and we must
respect and honor the person with whom we connect our lives. Showing a lack of
respect for our partner, whether occasional or on a permanent basis, is perhaps
the biggest mistake that we make. When respect is not mutual in a marriage then
it is more likely that marriage will end up in a disaster.
14) Show your interest in your partner. Marriage is like a flower that wants watering every day or else
I will be destroyed. So we must not rest on the fact that now that we are
married we should not show any interest in our partner but let things as they
come. It takes a lot of trouble and struggles to maintain quality and a genuine
relationship. We need every day to show our interest in our partner not only in
words but also in deeds.
I will be destroyed. So we must not rest on the fact that now that we are
married we should not show any interest in our partner but let things as they
come. It takes a lot of trouble and struggles to maintain quality and a genuine
relationship. We need every day to show our interest in our partner not only in
words but also in deeds.
15) Be consistent. We need to be
consistent between words and acts so that the other person can trust us. Even
taking care to be together and supportive in every difficult moment of our
partner and not only look at how we can have a good time.
consistent between words and acts so that the other person can trust us. Even
taking care to be together and supportive in every difficult moment of our
partner and not only look at how we can have a good time.
16) Be open to discussion with your partner. All issues and disputes must be settled and resolved through
dialogue and not by absolute positions that are dogmatically imposed from one
person to the other person. As a good principle, do not avoid discussions and
never try to impose your opinion on your partner. Everybody has his or her own
opinion and this should be respected. In case of disagreement, the best way to
find a solution is through discussion.
dialogue and not by absolute positions that are dogmatically imposed from one
person to the other person. As a good principle, do not avoid discussions and
never try to impose your opinion on your partner. Everybody has his or her own
opinion and this should be respected. In case of disagreement, the best way to
find a solution is through discussion.
17) Do not take advantage of your partner. Do not exploit your possible superiorities in a particular area
over your partner. For example, if you are in a better financial position or
have a better job than your partner, do not try to take advantage of that and
make your partner feel inferior. Instead, as a principle try to support and
help your partner to improve without criticism.
over your partner. For example, if you are in a better financial position or
have a better job than your partner, do not try to take advantage of that and
make your partner feel inferior. Instead, as a principle try to support and
help your partner to improve without criticism.
18) Make mutual decisions with your partner. Decide together for the birth and education of your child. No
one has illusions that everything will be rosy and everyone knows that in
life there is routine, boredom, and disconnection. You need to have patience
and faith in the strength of the relationship and always try to find ways to
tackle a difficult situation together through dialogue and mutual decisions.
one has illusions that everything will be rosy and everyone knows that in
life there is routine, boredom, and disconnection. You need to have patience
and faith in the strength of the relationship and always try to find ways to
tackle a difficult situation together through dialogue and mutual decisions.
19) Do not neglect your partner. In the context of marriage, you have to give your partner the
attention he/she deserves. You should not always deal with your work or
children and neglect your partner. The principle is that you should have a
balance in your life, so as to manage your time efficiently and have enough
time to devote to your partner and family.
attention he/she deserves. You should not always deal with your work or
children and neglect your partner. The principle is that you should have a
balance in your life, so as to manage your time efficiently and have enough
time to devote to your partner and family.
For those who like
quick and easy-to-remember ‘rules of thumb’ here are 10 more marriage principles you can easily follow
to make your marriage better.
quick and easy-to-remember ‘rules of thumb’ here are 10 more marriage principles you can easily follow
to make your marriage better.
20) Do not get
nervous all the same time
nervous all the same time
21) Do not shout at
each other unless the house is on fire.
each other unless the house is on fire.
22) If someone must
win a ‘fight’ then let the other win.
win a ‘fight’ then let the other win.
23) If you must
judge and criticize your partner then do it with love.
judge and criticize your partner then do it with love.
24) Do not repeat the mistakes you made in the past.
25) Neglect the world
around you rather than neglecting your partner.
around you rather than neglecting your partner.
26) Never go to bed
without being in terms of your partner.
without being in terms of your partner.
27) Try at least
once a day to compliment your partner.
once a day to compliment your partner.
28) If you make a
mistake, be ready to admit it and apologize.
mistake, be ready to admit it and apologize.
29) It takes two to make a brawl, and
usually the one that is wrong talks more.
