Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. – Winston Churchill
Everything is hard before it is easy. Skill sets take time and practice to develop. When I first played basketball, I was nowhere as good as I am now. Mastery takes time, repetition and failure. Here are my favorite mindsets for playing the game of love. Note that just using one at a time will greatly help your results.
1. FAILURE IS NECESSARY TO SUCCEED
Everyone is afraid of rejection to some degree. Being turned down by a woman can seem like the worst possible outcome, but there are upsides to being “rejected.” For one, the quicker you fail, the quicker you can learn from mistakes. Also, the woman is probably saving you time and letting you move onto a girl who might be more interested. I can’t count the number of times when I got a number from or took home a girl who was much more attractive than other women who had turned me down that day or night. You need to be able to distinguish between a woman who is extremely interested and a woman who is not in order to know how to proceed. If you constantly fail, you know that success is just around the corner.
2. UTILIZE YOUR TIME AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE
Time is your most valuable asset. Time is more important than money. You can always get your money back, but you will never get your time back. You might think that by staying healthy, you are giving yourself more time, but extra time in your eighties will never make up for time you didn’t utilize in your twenties or thirties. When you are out meeting women, understand that you could be doing anything including making money. Some people waste time with women who are not interested. Others waste time not approaching women. Every second that you waste is a second that you will never get back. Don’t let this time slip away from you. Go approach her! You don’t want to be in your eighties and regret not sleeping with beautiful women or finding that one special woman when you were younger.
3. THERE’S NOTHING TO LOSE
If a girl isn’t receptive, don’t fret. Don’t take it personally. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe you just aren’t her type. You didn’t lose anything by trying. If anything, you should feel validated by the fact that you did something most men are afraid to do.
4. THIS IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR FUNNEL
Think of meeting women as a sales funnel. You talk to a certain number of women. A percentage of those women will give you their numbers. A percentage of those women will go out with you. A percentage of those women will sleep with you. A percentage of those women will stick around for a relationship. It all starts with you taking initiative to meet the women in the first place. (As guys’ skill sets improve, the percentages improve as well. One of my clients went from not being able to approach to getting a girl’s number every time he goes out.) If one person approaches 10 women, that person will take longer to learn and also will have less of a chance of getting a girl as a guy who approaches 100 girls in the same period of time. Have a strong foundation.
5. REGRET IS THE WORST OUTCOME
If, in high school, you had access to Love Systems’ techniques, your life would have been much easier. You would have been the biggest player at school easily. None of my students ever said, “I really wish I didn’t know this just now.” They all said things like, “Oh my god. I wasted so much time making that mistake.” Like I said before, you don’t want to constantly have regrets about the way that your life was, and you really don’t want to realize there was a cure after it’s too late. I’ll level with you. The average seventy year old man has NO CHANCE with a girl in her twenties. That same man in his twenties, thirties, and even forties would have had an EASY time with girls in their twenties.
6. DO YOUR BEST AND RELEASE ATTACHMENT FROM THE OUTCOME
Have you ever had an instance where a girl did all the work to hook up with you? You didn’t really care and that lack of attachment was the reason that she wanted you badly enough to make a move herself. Even when you express your interest in a woman, there is a huge difference between doing it with power and kissing her ass and losing her respect. She can sense this.
Try this: talk to 10 women and tell yourself, “I don’t need to get her number. My measure of success is whether or not I try. I will only ask for the number if I have a good interaction.” See how many numbers you get. I promise you, this mindset is magical. No matter what happens, you always want to ACT LIKE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. If you had everything you wanted and you were completely set in your life, in your health, and you had an abundance of friends and women who were interested in you, would you care if a girl blew you off? How detached would you be if you went to a bar?
7. THIS ONE IS PRACTICE FOR THE NEXT ONE
Think of being a player like a video game. You level up and gain skills and become able to do things you were previously unable to do. People normally want immediate results, but as I said before, nothing worthwhile comes easy. Think of each interaction as practice. So what if she blew you off? So what if the date didn’t go well?
As Allen Iverson once said, “We’re talking about practice.” You’ve got to get your practice in to get the girls. You don’t go to the basketball gym and feel less confident about yourself every time you miss a shot, do you? Of course not. Meeting women is the same way. These women seldom know much about you (unless you met through friends, work, or school), so do not take rejection personally.
8. TACTICS AND TECHNIQUES WILL IMPROVE YOUR CHANCES SIGNIFICANTLY, BUT WON’T WORK 100% OF THE TIME
Understand that no matter how good you get, you will not be able to get every single girl. This was empowering to me when I realized this. It took so much pressure off me. I used to get down on myself every time a girl turned me down. If you saw me in one of my classes surrounded by girls or in my groups of friends where the girls all want me, you might think that I can get every girl, but what is happening is that women in groups respond to a man who demonstrates a great amount of social savvy. This attraction happens over time.
Strangers, on the other hand, don’t have time to get to know you. Understand this and use it to your advantage. Don’t aim for getting every girl. Aim for getting a girl who shares a mutual sexual interest with you. Eventually, you will have more girls than you can handle anyway. If you meet a girl that sticks around every week, that’s 52 girls a year. How do you handle all that? I can’t.
REMEMBER: Your goal is to evolve past tactics and cultivate a personality that naturally attracts women. You need to become the best version of yourself to live the life that you want. You don’t need to be someone who you aren’t to get women that you want.
9. SEX IS NATURAL
I used to think there was something wrong with coming onto a woman. My parents were very conservative and I never wanted to talk about sex with them. The thing is, women love to be hit on AS LONG AS IT’S DONE CORRECTLY. Women don’t want to be judged for wanting sex either. If you make sex a big deal, then she will treat it like a big deal. EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY. Understand that sex is natural, fun, and healthy. If she wants sex, great. If she doesn’t, fine. She might later.
10. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
While women are tempting and enticing, there is much more in life to enjoy than sex. Be grateful for everything you have. Do you have a family you love? What about friends? What books, television shows, sports, foods, activities or hobbies are you grateful for?
11. “I AM HER BEST OPTION.”
I used to worry if I was good looking enough for certain women or I would stress about having no money. What I realized is that when I embrace who I am, I offer to the world something no one else can. I realize that I am funny, playful, confident, ambitious, and kind and that no one else can be me. When I realize that, I realize the advantages I have over guys who have good looks or money and I realize that I can offer something those men often do not: fun and excitement.
With these mindsets, I believe men can overcome all difficulties the game throws at them. Say a guy becomes frustrated with the lack of quality or the lack of quantity in his dating options. All he must do is realize that failure is necessary to succeed (1). For a guy putting too much importance on one particular woman, he must understand that this one is just practice for the next one (7) and must therefore release attachment from the outcome (6). These mindsets can have a profound impact on one’s success and one should freely experiment with them in order to test their degree of effectiveness.