Date Night Arguments and How to Prevent Them
Everything goes wrong. It all started with one irritation that spiraled into an argument.
- One of you ran late.
- You imagined that you could be spontaneous in deciding what to do on your date.
- The kids, the sitter, the neighbor made it hard to get out of the house.
- You are distracted by work, the kids, a problem, THE PHONE.
- A thoughtless comment, a sigh.
There are 3 ways a date can implode:
1. The Non-Starter Date
A Non-Starter Date blows up at the beginning. It never gets off the ground due to unexpected (or expected) problems. One of you runs late, feels sick, or is tired. You argue about what to do on your date.
2. The Mid-Date Bomb
A Mid-Date Bomb is when one of you says or does the wrong thing and it tanks the whole night. Or, one of you doesn’t say or do something that seems thoughtless or insensitive.
3. Date Night “Expectations”
- Date Night Expectations come in two forms. In the first, one partner has ideas about how the date “should” go. When they don’t go as planned (or hoped), they feel disappointed and frustrated. Underlying this problem is the belief that your partner “should” know you well enough that they do the things that are important to you.
- Alternatively, Date Night Expectations link the date with physical intimacy. “We went out, so we are definitely having sex tonight.” Nothing kills the mood as fast as believing you “owe” your partner sex for spending time with you.
Tips to Defusing Arguments on Date Night
- Put some rules/expectations around the date. Decide ahead of time or at the beginning what you both want.
- Table some touchy topics for another time.
- Give your partner 3 strikes to be less than perfect.
- Redirect the conversation if it heads down a touchy subject.
- Decide where to go ahead of time.
- Take turns planning the date.
- Use Conversation Questions to spark discussion about new topics.
- Schedule a problem solving/planning session a few days before your date.
- Have a low-key backup plan ready to go in case one of you is tired.
- Go on a date regularly (weekly/monthly).
- Reminisce about the good times in the relationship.
- Dream about your future when you can spend more time together.
- Do some of the things you both enjoyed at the beginning of the relationship.
- Give your partner a way to win by telling them what you need.
Cheri Timko is a frequent guest blogger on Creating Sparks That Last. Her knowledge of couples and relationships is extensive and her experience speaks for itself in the value of her content. You can find more of her helpful advice on the following links: