Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Embarrassed To Fantasize About Using Toys ⋆ Rain DeGrey

Dirty Talk Advice ColumnAccording to our society, the list of things that men “shouldn’t be doing” is quite long. Things women get to explore with ease are viewed by many as being “off-limits” for men. From hairstyles to hobbies, clothing to toys, so many things are frowned upon and labeled as “unmasculine”. Even at a time when social restrictions for men are lessening, there are still people that struggle with the idea that there are some things a man should not enjoy.

High on that list of taboo topics is the concept that men might actually enjoy penetration and feeling full. Should that be an embarrassing desire for men? Why is penetration something shameful? Who says that incredible sensation is something men should avoid? Today’s column comes courtesy of a reader experiencing anxiety over their personal preferences and wants to know if they are normal or not. Never forget, “normal” is simply a setting on the dryer and nothing more than that.

“I have a question about toy use and it’s kind of embarrassing but I need to know. I am a guy. Is it normal for men to enjoy the feeling of fullness and to fantasize about using toys? Or is that something I should keep to myself and not tell anyone else?”– Fantasies About Penetration

The concept that men shouldn’t enjoy penetration or a feeling of fullness, that it is somehow embarrassing or something to be ashamed of, has been around for a long time FAP. I wish it would go away. It says a lot more about how society views women than it does men in the end. Many societies view women as lesser, second-class citizens that are to be penetrated. To be penetrated is to be weaker and shamed. Men avoid such things! Pity, because such views mean they unintentionally avoid a lot of pleasure as well.

Don’t Miss Out On A Treasure Chest of Pleasure

Chest of ToysThere is a treasure trove of nerve endings in that particular area of the body, no matter what your gender or sexual orientation might be. Those nerve endings don’t care what your gender is, they just know what feels good. If you take away the concept that enjoying penetration makes you lesser or weaker, all that is left on the table is potential pleasure. Pleasure is something we could all use more of.

It is completely normal to enjoy anal play and a feeling of fullness if you are a guy, perfectly normal to fantasize about using toys and entirely normal to use toys! More men would use them if they could learn to stop worrying about imaginary invisible lists of restrictions for men. I know, I know, easier said than done, but I am trying to change things. One advice column at a time.

Introducing Toys To Partners

Talking About ToysYou mention keeping your toy fantasies to yourself, which leads me to believe you are uncertain about bringing up the concept of toy use with your partners. Toy play by yourself is not only normal, it isn’t even worth worrying about. Things do get slightly more complex when you add another person to the equation. Some women will be neutral. Some will be interested. Others will be turned off. Like with everything else, it will be a case-by-case basis.

If you are uncertain how a partner might respond to your love of backdoor play, start small. Mention that you enjoy anal and see how she responds. Is she interested or does she shut you down immediately? Based on her response, you can decide just how much more you feel like disclosing and go from there. Maybe she finds anal a hard limit and you keep your exploration to solo activities.

Don’t Associate With Those Who Don’t Accept You

ApprovalIf my opinion counts for anything, and I hope it does because you did write to me for advice, only date women that accept your love of anal play. They ARE out there. I am one of them. We exist. I don’t just accept it, I adore it!

The more you are your honest and authentic self, the more you are going to find yourself surrounded by people that accept you for who you truly are. You are perfectly normal for enjoying anal play. I hope you get to do a lot more of it in the future, both by yourself and with others. You deserve that pleasure.

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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