Monday, June 12, 2023

Hesitant About Humiliation Hookup ⋆ Rain DeGrey

Dirty Talk Advice ColumnHumiliation, embarrassment and shame might seem like things to be avoided at all costs. Most of us steer clear of degrading situations as best as we can. However, it is a wide and wonderful world out there and not everyone views humiliation as an experience to be evaded. In fact, some people actively seek out humiliation and degradation for pleasure.

If you lack the wiring to experience the titillating thrill of shame and embarrassment, a craving for humiliation might not make any sense to you. Why would someone WANT to feel that way voluntarily? The answer lies with masochism. Deriving arousal from humiliation is a form of sexual masochism. While most people think of masochism as something involving physical pain, psychological pain is another form of pain. Some masochists find psychological pain the only or primary form of pain they crave. Today’s column comes courtesy of a reader looking for a safe way to explore their humiliation fetish.

“I’m a 21 submissive interested in humiliation and degradation. I want to find someone to be a Dominant, but I’m not sure how I’d get there. I don’t think I’d be comfortable doing something potentially compromising, running the risk of blackmail, etc. What do you think is the best way I can find a safe but willing degrader?”–Wanted: A Safe Humiliator

A Humiliation Fetish Is Not Uncommon

HumiliationWelcome to the world of the humiliation fetish WASH! You are far from alone. A fascination with shame and embarrassment is actually more common than you might think. In fact, there are numerous books, articles, classes, and videos on the subject. One of the foremost authorities on the subject is Princess Kali who wrote “Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation” and regularly teaches humiliation classes. Is it possible to find a safe way to explore this fetish of yours? Yes it is. Is it 100% guaranteed safe? Unfortunately the humans in the equation are always the unknown factor.

Finding someone interested in exploring your kinky interest with you is honestly not much different than vanilla dating—it is just harder. There are a million reasons dates often don’t work out: the two of you don’t have anything in common, your schedules are incompatible, there just wasn’t any chemistry, etc. We can look for a long time to find someone we are compatible with. Even if you view finding a degrader as a relationship free situation and more like a kinky Tinder situation with bonus shame, it isn’t like Tinder is a guaranteed payoff every time either. Most people are not going to be a fit for one reason or another.

You Are Fishing In A Small Kinky Pond

Kinky FishingThe kinky pond that you are fishing in for potential play partners is already smaller than the vanilla pond. Now factor in that not all of the fish in the kinky pond are into humiliation. Some might only be into bondage or impact play or electrical play. If you have a strong idea of what you want and just want to cut to the chase, simply hiring a pro is the most expedited way to get what you crave. If you have no interest in hiring professionals you’ll just have to keep fishing until something happens.

No matter which way you go, the humiliation you crave IS in that pond…it just takes a willingness and effort to find it. Attend munches, either online or in person. Read articles. Attend classes. Get to know your kinky community. The more time you invest in it, the higher your chances of getting the payoff that you are seeking. Pay attention to people’s reputation. Get references. Be clear about your needs and desires. The better you get to know yourself and know exactly where your limits are, the better your chances of feeling that sweet delicious shame. Keep in mind that boundaries and limits can shift overtime.

The Risk of Blackmail Is Pretty Low

Keep in mind that while blackmail or doxxing can and has happened, most reputable Pros that have references and clientele are not going to ruin their business by blackmailing people. A Pro Domme that did that would not retain clientele for long. Unless this is something they specialize in, the threat of blackmail is a fetish in and of itself.

Are you at a high risk for blackmail? Are you a politician, do you have a job where you could be fired if they were informed that you enjoy a spot of the ol’ humiliation? Is there a will you can get disinherited from for a family that will disown you? Is there a child custody issue? For most of us, blackmail is simply not that effective of a threat. Who are they going to tell? How is it going to matter? Even if they have something incriminating on you, who do they give that information to?

Get Your Humiliation But Take Precautions

Humiliation RansomFor most of us the risk of blackmail is extremely low. Nevertheless, if this is a real concern, avoiding it is easily done. You are under no obligation to do anything that you find compromising, nor should you. If pictures are involved never include your face or identifying marks like tattoos. Don’t disclose your address or legal name unless you entirely trust the person. In the lifestyle, people have what are called “scene names” which is the kinky handle that they go by. Set up a separate email that cannot be traced back to your regular email. Get a Google Voice number to use instead of your real number. With a few simple precautions, nobody should be able to get in a position where they can threaten you with the risk of blackmail in the first place.

Is the humiliating Dominant of your dreams out there? Yes indeed they are. The fact that at your young age you already know what you want and are beginning to actively seek it is a huge step in the right direction. You are already on the journey. Get to know your kinky community better and may your future cheeks be full of blush!

Keep it Kinky My Friends,

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