Sunday, December 24, 2023

How Self-Esteem Influences Romantic Attraction and Chemistry


Attraction is necessary, as it distinguishes our romantic relationships from friendships. Combined with chemistry, attraction is the sum of how we connect and relate to each other. If you treat and regard yourself with love, care, trust and respect, who you experience attraction and chemistry with is entirely different to that of someone who doesn’t consider themselves to be a worthwhile and valuable person. Why?

When you lack self-esteem and it manifests itself as you believing you’re not good enough, directly or inadvertently seeking out parental/caregiver replacements as your romantic partners, and repeating habits learned in childhood that keep you small, attraction and chemistry become a complicated, and downright painful, self-fulfilling prophecy that validates your beliefs.

Mutually fulfilling relationships don’t happen in the Groundhog Day of your uncomfortable comfort zone. If you want to be in a loving relationship, but who you’ve felt attraction and chemistry with has obscured that, it’s safe to say that it’s time to become more conscious, aware and present so that you can break that pattern. 

For more on authentic, loving relationships, check out my book Love, Care, Trust and Respect.

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