I was the perfect wife. Right up until I actually got married. That’s when it all went kablooey.
But I thought that I was a good wife because I:
- Did so many things to help my husband
- Worked so hard
- Was sooooo smart I handled all the money for our family
- Was great at economizing
- Cooked for him
- Was strong and tough
So I gave myself at least a nine out of ten. But I wasn’t scoring so high on the wife scale with my husband John.
That’s because I was actually an overbearing, prickly porcupine wife who thought she knew better than him about everything.
1. What Actually Attracted Him
What’s funny is, John didn’t decide to spend the rest of his life with me because I worked so hard and was great at economizing.
That wasn’t what made him think I’d be a good wife he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
What attracted him was actually that I have a great laugh, and he loved saying goofy, funny things so he could hear it.
He loved me because I was so enthusiastic when he asked me out and so nervous when he kissed me.
He loved me because I loved hearing him play guitar and sing the songs he’d written.
He loved me because I was so accepting of him and the things he was nervous about. And that I cooked for him.
So my criteria of what made me good material and his criteria were not the same. At all.
My behavior and my attitude changed so much in a few short years that I stopped being a soft place for him to land and became an efficient, critical economist.
I didn’t see it that way, of course. I thought he had just become distant and uncooperative FOR NO REASON!
2. The #1 Skill that Makes Me a Good Wife Today
But when I learned the 6 Intimacy Skills™ and started practicing them with the Connection Framework, I saw things very differently.
That’s when I remembered that I love to laugh and to sing harmony with John when he plays his guitar and that I still get nervous when I’m doing something vulnerable.
And that I find economizing exhausting.
That’s when my good wife score went up dramatically.
Years after I started practicing the Intimacy Skills, John told me that when we met, he felt he had something precious to give and that he was looking for someone who would receive his precious contribution.
He said it in such a vulnerable, endearing way I felt so glad that I had been receptive to his gifts, his intelligence, his jokes and his strength when we met.
That receptivity is one of the things that makes me a good wife.
That, and I still cook for him.
How could you boost your wife score? I’d love to hear in the comments.