Sunday, August 27, 2023


Sometimes when two people have been dating or married for so long, the communication can be flat. You’ve already known each other, so what is there to talk about? The chats become short and few, the phone calls become short and cold, when you are both at home everyone is busy doing their own thing, and you both struggle in a conversation, when driving in the car both are silent, and you two have ended up talking mostly about the things that need to be done at home, you can feel that the communication is dry.

 How does one restore that funny, warm, alive, quality communication to what it used to be before?
1) “Stop panicking”. When you panic that the communication has changed, you begin to force conversations; making things awkward and complicating things further.
2) “Both of you grow intellectually”. When you don’t grow as much, you stagnate. If one of you grows more than the other, there can be a disconnect. But when you acquire more knowledge, research more, go to school to get that Degree, Master or Ph.D., or even when you can’t go to school you read more and become more exposed to new content; you will have more to talk about.

3) “Engage your family and friends more”. Often a man and a woman spend time alone and isolating themselves. But stop making yourselves an island. Meet up with family, and do stuff with friends, especially as a couple; that way you will have new experiences and memories. Conversations often revolve around two things: memories and what someone knows.

4) “Kiss more”. You cannot kiss and stay quiet. Kissing excites the senses. If you don’t have much to say, just kiss each other, and get lost in those long intimate kisses. Soon, you both will find yourselves talking
5) “Watch movies together”. Movies are a great way to connect. 

6) “Go out on dates more”. Sadly, many couples, especially married couples stop going out on dates. Staying at home all the time can get monotonous, nothing new to experience.

7) “Stop being idle”. Have a busy life individually. A part from each other sometimes. Both of you make progress in life, find a purpose, get busy at work or business, do more, and miss each other. Then you will have lots to catch up on.

8) “Play games”. You don’t have to be a sportsperson to play games. Put a basketball rim at home, play football, play indoor games, poker, and scrabble. Sports make the mood light.

9) “Do competitive things”. Have healthy competitions, choose opposing sports teams so that you tease each other, and cheer competitively. Go for sports games. Have staring competitions to see who will blink first. Place bets against each other, and the loser gives a massage or washes the dishes.

10) “Let your child/ren bring you together”. Play with your child/children together, goof around, act silly, go for Sports Day at school, go for family outings.

11) “Let loose”. Joke around, don’t take life too seriously, act like a clown, tickle each other, drink from the same glass, respectfully tease each other. Stop being uptight.

12) “Do chores together”. There is always something to talk about when you help each other out at home. It’s not just about doing chores, but enjoying doing chores as a team. A foul mood will not help
13) “Make love more”. Intimacy opens up conversations. Marriage needs this intimacy.

14) “Flirt more”. Talk suggest to each other, excite each other, and be naughty on the phone and face to face. Sometimes communication needs some spicing up, then the serious stuff will be easier to talk about.

15) “Take photos and videos together”. This not only immortalize a moment in time but also gives content to talk about. It is difficult not to enjoy the time spent with someone you take photos and videos with. Besides, there will be silly moments, wow moments, and embarrassing moments to laugh at while you’re at it.

16) “Be available”. The best communication happens when you don’t rush. Be there, show up. And even when there is not much to say the first few minutes, don’t walk out; still, be near each other. Sometimes it takes a while for a conversation to warm up.

17) “Compromise”. If your partner/spouse likes something different from you, compromise. Show interest, and pay attention. Often, people withdraw and keep silent when their partner/spouse shows no interest.

18) “Ask questions”. Learn the art of asking the right questions. Questions provoke conversations. Some things you will never be told if you don’t ask. Sometimes all you need to ask is “How was your day?”.
19) “Study a book together”. Read a book as a couple, study the word together, and fill out a crossword puzzle as a team.

20) “Join a club”. Join other people in a book club, golf club, poetry club, karaoke, charity club, or private club. This gives new experiences. Life will be more exciting when you do more.

21) “Take a vacation”. Take time out of your everyday life. The best vacations are those that make you two focus on each other, and stimulate you two by giving you new things to look at and feel.

22) “Stop structuring your conversations”. Some people are too rigid, even with the one they love. They have things that can’t be talked about, rules, and a schedule of what to say and not to say. They overthink and make life too serious and boring. Don’t be that way.

23) “Say I love you more”. This injects warmth each time.
24) “Bond with music and dance”. You don’t have to be a great dancer to dance with your partner/spouse. Get down, show off your dancing skills, and make a fool of yourself. Or just chill and listen to music. Music sets the mood for talks and emotions.

25) “Don’t judge each other”. Never judge each other, especially when something sensitive is shared. Don’t make your partner/spouse feel uncomfortable or looked at differently. Be that person who your partner/spouse feels free with.

26) “Don’t entertain distractions”. This is the easiest way to kill communication between you two; when you engage someone else or others more than you engage your partner/spouse. Stop being lured by others, lest the conversation between you two suffer.

May your marriage be blessed, amen

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