Monday, June 19, 2023

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Five Hacks to Change It Around

Is your love life Going Nowhere?  We have all been there! I was on the Today show a while back on a segment about what to do when life doesn’t work out the way you want it to. Especially if your love life has tanked.   It was great fun and Hoda was fantastic, as usual. Here are the five hacks I was not able to give on air, the steps you can take when your love life has tanked.

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere

Life almost always takes a left turn–it never seems to go the way we expect.  The One turns out to be a Dud, the chemistry dies off in your marriage, you get divorced your love life has tanked.  How do we cope?  Studies show that certain people are more resilient–they adapt quickly and easily to change.  When they hit unexpected, unwanted left turns in their lives, they use mentors, positive emotions and self-talk to help them cope.  These fortunate people can turn a bushel of lemons into a whole lemonade stand.  So, aside from being envious, what can we learn from them? Here are five ways resilient people turn life’s disappointments into unexpected blessings and opportunities

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Look for the Humor

Research on people who watched funny videos showed they had reduced stress hormones, a boost to the immune system and a reduction in feeling pain. Laughter is a lifts you right out of that downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings that come with loss.  Look for the funny angle.  Call your funniest friend.  Go to an improv club.  You get the idea.

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Find a Mentor

So this is what totally changed my life. As young adult I never wanted or expected to marry anyone because I had only seen battles and unhappiness in my parent’s marriage.  Also, I was caught in deadly dating patterns, being a hermit or taking crumbs. And wanting the guys who didn’t want me.  But then I got a love mentor who taught me that love was possible and how to create it. In fact, this was the beginning of the program in my book Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.  And using those principles I took a left turn—here I am 180 degrees opposite from what I imagined–in a loving marriage to a guy who is my best friend for over 35 years!

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Use a positive focus

Research is very clear that even after they have faced a serious life-changing event resilient people focus on positive thoughts and feeling that might come up—whether it is a moment of peacefulness, calmness or delight over a visit from a child or the beauty of a flower.  They feel their anger, fear and depression, but they also experience whatever positive feelings come up.  Even the most difficult circumstances can be seen in a more positive way. If your husband suddenly up and left, are you free to pursue your passion for painting now?  Put your attention on the door to creativity and fun that is opening up for you. And if you can find a Higher Power through a regular spiritual practice.

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Find and enjoy the hidden benefits

What is freeing about your new situation?  How are you better off as a person?  Now that you are divorced can you go on a shopping spree without having to fight a battle over it? What is going to be good about this situation?  If you just broke up with a person who is very critical and demeaning, are you already starting to feel a little better about yourself?  So what is the silver lining, truly?

Is Your Love Life Going Nowhere? Work on new goals

Resilient people don’t dwell in the past, and constantly think about what was lost.  In fact, they use the steps we just talked about to be forward-looking and choose new goals that bring a measure of hope and happiness.  If you are suddenly single, start poking around a few online dating apps.  Take a chance and go out on a blind date with your neighbor’s friend. Set some new dating goals for yourself, even though it’s absolutely the last thing you want to do.  In fact, research shows that shifting your attention will get you out of your slump.  Really.

For more tips to help you if your life tanked or other dating and relationship difficulties sign up for free support through my acclaimed dating tips & relationship newsletter. 

So don’t quit before the miracle!  You deserve lasting passionate love!

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