Once a cheater, always a cheater? In this video, we’ll explore when to trust that someone won’t cheat again, and when to walk away.
Do you believe if someone cheats once, they’ll always be a cheater? There are people who cheat once and don’t cheat again. And there are chronic cheaters. How can you tell the difference, and when should you give a cheater a second chance? That’s what we’re exploring in this video.
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?
What’s a Chronic Cheater?
Typically, these are people in committed, monogamous relationships who continually to seek romantic and/or sexual relationships outside of their relationship. They rarely feel guilty or remorseful, because they often justify the cheating.
7 Red Flags of a Chronic Cheater
- Narcissistic tendencies: They’re self-centered, show little empathy towards others, and seek attention from others. They don’t feel guilt or shame after cheating, because they feel their needs are not met by their partner.
- History of cheating: They’ve cheated in the past and talk about it openly, often without remorse. They might also make excuses for past cheating, and tell you they would never cheat on you.
- Excessively flirty behavior: They tend to flirt with others in front of you, even though you’ve told them how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
- Overly defensive: They get offended when you question them about their behavior. They tend to exhibit gaslighting and defensiveness, especially if you accuse them of cheating.
- Speak negatively of exes: They label their exes as “crazy”. They don’t take any responsibility for a relationship ending.
- Don’t accept responsibility for cheating: It’s always someone else’s fault. They’ve done nothing wrong.
- Need external validation: Their extreme insecurity leads to seeking external validation to build their self-worth.
When to Break Up and When to Work on the Relationship
It’s hard to trust again after someone cheats. Here are some things to consider before breaking up with a cheater:
- Does your partner feel remorseful and want to change?
- Is he willing to go to therapy?
- Have you set new agreements about transparency and communication in the relationship?
- Have you set healthy boundaries in the relationship moving forward?
If there’s no admission of guilt or willingness to change, chronic cheaters will continue to cheat while in monogamous relationships. But, there are people who have cheated in the past and don’t in the future. Look for the red flags of chronic cheating mentioned above.
If you’re not sure if you can repair the relationship, follow the steps above for healing after cheating. Just remember, cheating does not always signify the end of a relationship. But both of you have to be willing to do the work to rebuild what was fractured.
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