Saturday, June 17, 2023

Relationship Therapy and Relationship Advice for Couples and Singles by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

For all mothers on their special day, and a special “ode” to my mother for Mother’s Day .

What sets your mother apart from all the rest?

Did you ever notice nothing is too much trouble for a Mom? Things just abra-cadabra just appear — or just get done — like our last minute Halloween costumes, things we desire and wish for just “appear” and not just on Christmas or Chanukah — (like your bike or favorite CD or book.) Things you worry about or if you feel sick just disappear.

Is that because she wiped away your tears by soothing you with a gentle hand rubbing your forehead followed by a kiss? Who made those school lunches always with a surprise inside enough to share with a friend or your favorite teacher? Who knew how important it was to eat with Dad for those amazing nutritious family dinners? Who is the one when you were down to lift you up with a smile and a song and a treat? Who gave you your “own” goodie stash when grown up company came? It seemed like magic. It was… It was Mom!!

“I Remember Mama”, when she secretly saved up (even when times were hard) and magically, a bike you “wished” for on your birthday “appeared” for no good reason! It was not on your birthday or holiday but just because…. and the prom dress that I told Mom was much too expensive and she even made that happen with many small “down payments”.

“I Remember Mama” when my brother was born. My mother asked friends and family to ONLY bring ME gifts to his Bris! When I asked why me, not brother, she wisely smiled, kissed me, and answered, “Because you are loved and are Mommy’s special girl, big sister, and great helper.

“I Remember Mama” when I left for college. “Are you worried?”, I asked her. She said “I have done my job,now it’s up to you! I have the utmost faith in you. Remember I am just a phone call away.”

“I Remember Mama” most of all for the lessons she imparted to me that I teach patients to this day. It’s how my SmartHeart Saavy was born:

The Lessons she taught me later became Smart Heart Saavy  in my book Make Up, Don’t Break Up, will forever be embedded in my memory. She immediately rushed to school when I got “bullied” at 6 years of age, and INSISTED when the principal refused, on talking WITH the Mothers and the two girls, (in the PRINCIPAL’s office), who would put their feet out, so I, the new kid in town, would fall down the steps, jealous of my beautiful new clothes and shoes. Being the 6 year old therapist that I was seeing the gleam in their eyes and their spread feet I grabbed on to the banister for dear life just in time. After the meeting one of the girls and her mother invited me for lunch and a play date at their house alone. Mom said I had to go when I faked a tummy ache. “I know you are scared”, my Mom said. You need to go because “forgiveness is a gift you give yourself”. “They are extending an olive branch …”what’s that I asked?” “It’s when you make a mistake —albeit a big one (can it be small I asked)?” Yes Mom answered but this was a BIG mistake because no one should purposely try to hurt you —and they want to “make up for it “and apologize by doing something kind to right the wrong. Oh ,”I said that’s why I should go. “How should I behave?” Mom says like the “little lady” I taught you. I will be outside waiting for you not far away! “I am proud of you and you are being very brave.”

That lesson of courage and bravery and “forgiveness is a gift you give yourself“ that she instilled in me, became the cornerstone of my first book adapted into a movie— Adultery the FORGIVABLE Sin. I taught courage, bravery, and forgiveness to thousands of couples helping them mend their broken hearts, find love and forgiveness, navigate and heal from abuse and bullying.

Mom and I had SPECIAL outfits and rain boots so rainy days were fun, (not gloomy,) splashing in puddles. It is wonderful to bring sunshine to their lives like my mother did for me, even on rainy days!

Dr. Bonnie’s Mother’s Day EXERCISE:
What do I cherish and appreciate my MOTHER for? (let me show the ways)
What do YOU remember your mother for? Write YOUR list.

List what you remember and appreciate most that your mother has done or is doing for you. Go back to memory lane and see how many rituals and memories were initiated and followed because of her “magic”. List them, and if you are lucky enough to have her physically still here with you, thank her and tell her how special and how appreciated she is. Then read and share the list with her.
If she is not here, she is, as my mother so eloquently said, “I will always be in your heart, and watching over you.”

That is how I Remember Mama!


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