My podcast guest, Kelli Miller, has simple solutions for common relationship issues. Tune in to learn more!
Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, best-selling author, and radio host. She is the author of the couples relationship book “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” and the award winning best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. She was a relationship host on Balance by Nature TV and is currently a writer and relationship host for wikihow.com. Kelli was a co-host on LA Talk Radio with over 1 million listeners, 250 guest celebrities and authors, and an expert radio personality for SIRIUS/XM Radio. She was the “Women’s Relationship Expert ” on the Examiner.com and was recently quoted in Oprah magazine in three relationship articles.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Why it’s harder now for couples to work together than a decade ago
- Why couples stop having sex and the top three tips for dealing with sexual issues
- Advice for coping with addiction, anger, and past trauma that enters into relationships
- Why time-outs aren’t just for children
- What is the fast-food communication method?
- The number one recommendation to rekindle connection
EP 596: Kelli Miller – Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Common Relationship Issues
Why do you believe it’s harder now for couples to work together than a decade ago?
There are so many more distractions. Even having a phone out on a date makes people feel less tended to. Have a no phone and computer zone when on a date or in a relationship.
Why do couples stop having sex and what are your top three tips for dealing with sexual issues?
- The main thing I’ve seen is resentments in our partnerships. That creates a wall. Communicate with your partner. If you feel emotionally safe, you’ll feel physically safe.
- Also, if it’s not so exciting anymore, make an effort to feel and look good. Do adrenaline fun activities like rock climbing to increase sex drive.
- It can feel overwhelming. I recommend sensei therapy, focusing on sensation vs orgasm
What is your advice for coping with addiction, anger, and past trauma that enters into relationships?
“If it’s not one thing, it’s a mother” – we all have baggage. Know your triggers. “When it’s hysterical, it’s historical”. It’s probably about something from the past. Figure out where it comes from. Have awareness. Tell your partner you’re triggered and working on it.
Why are time-outs not just for children?
We all need a pause, a recentering so we can regulate and get calmer when we’re heated. Time outs help us decompress. The person who calls the time out says when to reconvene.
What is your fast-food communication method?
If you go through a drive-through at a fast food restaurant, they’ll repeat it back. I want couples to do the same thing. “What I’m hearing you say is…” It validates them and gives pause and lowers defenses. Assume positive intentions from your partner. Be inquisitive not assumptive.
What is your number one recommendation to rekindle connection?
Getting vulnerable is the key. Say, “I feel like we’ve lost each other. How can we connect again?” “It would really mean a lot to me if you planned a date night.” “I miss our connection.”
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
Being open on dates is so important. Commit to surrender to the process. It’s exhausting to date, but let go of the outcomes. Bring silliness and joy. Worst case scenario is you learn something. Best case is you find love. Be patient and have trust. It’s not IF you’ll find love but WHEN.
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