It is an age-old question. One that is never going to get satisfactorily answered. We know this going in, and yet we are going to try anyway. Very dedicated advice-givers aren’t quitters! Watch us write the honest truth and have it doubted and discounted—it happens almost every time.
What exactly is this much-asked question that is answered honestly and still is never resolved? Size, of course. Specifically, the size of the wedding tackle. The frank and beans. The pocket rocket. The amount of energy that men can dedicate to obsessing over inches is astronomical and can even be life-affecting.
While we here at the Dirty Talk Advice Column usually skip this particular question, (it gets asked A LOT) this version came in with a dash of exhibitionism and possible humiliation, which makes for a combination worth discussing. They asked for honesty. Buckle up, because I have it.
“You inspired me to do something really scary, to ask your help confronting the shame I’ve secretly carried my whole life. This matter deeply affects my confidence, my life, and it stops me from forming relationships. I want a completely honest opinion about if I am big enough or not. Don’t fear hurting my feelings. It is high time I confront this properly. I am so embarrassed to be asking you this.
I’ve nervously asked a few past partners and they all laughed and said “it’s fine,” which I took as confirmation of my negative feelings.
I have included a number of photos ready for your judgment and am crossing my fingers you will share my story and photos on your advice column, or Twitter or anywhere else. I’m so nervous but I’m ready for you and others to tell me honestly if I am too small or not. Then I will finally know for sure.”–Small Manhood Anxiety Looms Large
Men’s fixation on their size is a tiring obsession, as anyone in the vicinity of such fixation can attest. There is no right answer, no assurances, no testimonial from recipients that eases the fixation if it is firmly planted. Scientific studies and data are discounted. Feedback by users is considered flawed and inaccurate. The mental anguish can build to the point where it can affect one’s quality of life.
You Don’t Need My Advice, You Need Therapy
In your case SMALL, your fears around your size are, by your own admission, shattering your confidence and stopping you from forming relationships. That’s significant. It should be addressed. There is nothing I can say to you in an advice column that is going to be able to instantly undo the lifetime’s worth of shame and anxiety you are currently carrying—this is therapy territory if things are as bad as you are reporting.
Obviously, therapy is a bigger project to tackle, writing to an advice column is much easier. I don’t know if you will take my advice and look into therapy, but if your self-confidence is impacted to the point you can not form relationships, give yourself the gift of some self-care. Go to a therapist that specializes in this sort of thing. Yes, they exist. That is how common your situation is.
I am encouraging therapy because other people have already told you what I am about to tell you—you didn’t listen. The odds that my opinion is going to finally be the one that you will actually listen to is low…particularly because by the end of your letter you want a lot more than just my opinion, but we will get to that in a bit.
Has Everyone You’ve Queried about Your Size Lied To You?
You have already asked this question to people on the receiving end of what you have to offer and when they assured you that your size was fine, you decided they were all lying to you. Every single one. What are the odds?
We are the filter that gets stamped on everything we experience, and those experiences are shifted as a result. A hundred people experiencing the exact same thing are going to have a hundred different reactions due to the personal filter it has to pass through.
Your mind decided ahead of time it already knew the correct answer and nothing said to you was going to change your mind. Now you have decided that asking my opinion is going to be the answer you will actually pay attention to, unlike your previous partners. If you keep shifting the goalposts like that, you are ensuring that your anxiety over this will never end.
I know that nothing I say is going to help you because by the end of your letter you had shifted the goalposts yet again—now it isn’t just my opinion, it is also the opinion of every reader of this advice column. What is the magic number of opinions you need in order to believe? You didn’t believe your partners, you want to ask me and now you also want to recruit the opinions of every reader of this column as well?
End The Groundhog Day Of Size Anxiety
I get asked this particular question so often my eyes glaze over SMALL. Every woman does. Over and over and over and over again. What makes the question so tiring is that honest replies to it are ignored and disbelieved. We learn the hard way that nothing we say is going to get listened to by the asker and answering size questions starts to feel like a boring version of Groundhog Day.
You start off your letter being painfully embarrassed by this shame you have carried your entire life and by the end of it you are asking that I put photos of your dick in my advice column and on Twitter for everyone to see and rate. That’s…that’s a lot of range. For someone so embarrassed over something that it is preventing them from forming relationships, you seem pretty okay with getting thousands of people to vote on your shame stick.
Severe anxiety over size coupled with exhibitionism and some possible humiliation fetish is a combination that is all over the place. The main reason I answered your letter was to address you requesting that I drop photos of your dick into my advice column and plaster it all over the internet.
I’m not going to do that.
I Will Answer But I Know You Won’t Listen
I looked at the photos. You are average, slightly on the bigger size of average. Your partners were not lying to you. I am not lying to you. Based on your previous track record you are not going to listen though.
YOU AREN’T SMALL. You are anxious. There is a difference. Trust me, I am an expert.
If your anxiety over a non-existent issue continues to have such a detrimental effect on your life, please do consider the therapy. Your brain has gotten badly snarled on the topic and it is going to take time and willingness on your part to unsnarl it. Only you can decide to take that step when you are ready. I hope that you give yourself that gift someday.
Keep it Kinky My Friends,
RDG
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