When one has a desire that they crave to fill, it can occupy a fair amount of brain space. The thought of that craving can be a consuming focus that easily leads to frustration and confusion when it remains unsated. Frustration and confusion can build, making it even harder to get the need fulfilled.
Today’s column comes courtesy of a reader who is deploying the numbers game but failing to get the results they desire. What do you do when your technique isn’t working? What does Wayne Gretzky have to do with unfilled desires? How are women like cups of coffee? Dive into the latest Dirty Talk and find out!
“I was wondering what your thoughts are on “shots-on-goal”/AKA “The Wayne Gretzky Strategy”? (This means pitching the idea once to a woman you are into, if she says no you just go on about your day and respect the answer)
If you go grocery shopping and don’t get coffee on your list because the supermarkets are out of coffee, you don’t go home without coffee you know? “I gotta hit another store. Nothing has changed. I still need coffee.”
When I go to break the ice and ask for a number, I get a lot of resentment if I right face and go for the next woman I feel chemistry with…which has been literally the friend right next to her or the receptionist. I have always used it, but lately it seems like I’m having a lot of women who cannot be honest if they have a man or not.”–Striking Out Lately Discouraged
Women Are Not A Commodity
Probably, as a first step, don’t think of women as coffee SOLD. Coffee can be a MIGHTY NEED, without a doubt, but it is not a living breathing person with their own needs and bills to pay. When you come from the mindset of women solely fulfilling a craving that you will just keep shopping for until you get your caffeine fix reduces them to interchangeable objects. Unless someone specifically has an objectification fetish, they are probably not going to enjoy feeling like a substitutable cup of coffee—particularly if you pivot from striking out with one to the person sitting right next to her.
With an M.O. like that, I can’t say I am particularly surprised that you are encountering some resentment in your coffee search. Your core principle of “you pitch the idea once to a woman you are into, if she says no you just go about your day and respect the answer.” is solid and one I approve of, but I can also see why things are not necessarily going the way you want.
Let Women Go About Their Day
Most women are going about their day living their life. They don’t WANT to be approached while grocery shopping, at the doctor’s office, getting their car repaired. While you are seeing women as walking cups of coffee that you desire to get down your throat, they are just trying to get through their errands without having to field off offers of sexy times. There is a good reason so many women utilize earbuds while outside—they aren’t always listening to music or podcasts, frequently they have them in so people won’t talk to them.
Cold approaching strangers in public with your thirst that you are yearning to quench is always going to have a lower success rate than approaching women in bars or parties. People in bars and parties are going there specifically to socialize and are going to be generally more receptive than someone trying to run their errands or get through their workday.
Is Shots On Goal Worth Your Time?
Proponents of the Shots on Goal/Numbers Game claim that it comes down to time invested—you are shooting your shots on goal all over the place and eventually something has to land, right? Therefore your actions are a wise investment of time. It didn’t work with someone, pivot on your feet and try the person sitting right next to them. That’s very efficient with your time!
Except, by doing that you have reduced your chances to so low that it isn’t actually the most efficient use of your time. Focused application of quality is simply going to have better odds of panning out in the long run than a scattershot quantity technique applied all over the place to anyone that catches your eye.
Offer Something Valuable
What exactly are you offering these women? Your appreciation at getting your wants fulfilled and not much else? Many men are offering that while eyeing cups of coffee with hunger in their eyes. It is a flooded market. Your chances of success are much higher if you are bringing something to the table—humor, a talent, making her feel safe and respected, SOMETHING to make you stand out in the flooded dick market. Your letter isn’t clear if you are looking for a relationship or just some fun times, but just offering fun times will always have a lower success rate.
When you move on so quickly that you move over to the person sitting next to them and make the whole pitch all over again, it comes across as not caring about them as a human, but rather seeing them as a convenient delivery system for your desires. “You aren’t interested? How about the person sitting next to you?” When you treat women as commodities no matter how many shots on goal you make your success rate is going to be lower than you are hoping for.
Reevaluate How You Play The Numbers Game
You can keep cold approaching women in public while they are waiting in lobbies, striking out and turning to the receptionist that you also feel chemistry with…or you can reevaluate how you choose to play the numbers game. You could only approach women that are in locations such as bars and parties, places where people tend to be more receptive to being approached in the first place and when you get a pass on your fine offer, you can not pivot and promptly make it to the person sitting next to them. That is a Hail Mary pass of desperation with such low chances of success it really isn’t worth your time.
For improved results, your best bet is to change what you are currently doing, for you yourself admit it isn’t giving you the outcomes you desire. Responding to personal ads, looking into the swinger community, and going to parties are all still playing the numbers game. However, it is a more focused application of it and might have a higher success rate than what you are doing at the moment. If it was working, you wouldn’t have written to me in the first place. Best of luck SOLD, success is out there, you just need to refine your playbook.
Keep it Kinky My Friends,
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