As a single woman looking for love, your attention often becomes fixated on finding the elusive “perfect man”. Questions about his identity, his whereabouts, and why he hasn’t appeared on your dating app or at your local gym become the focal point. This is an experience widely shared among single women, yet it’s often cloaked in misunderstandings.
In the rush to find Mr. Right, you may get one VERY BIG step, WRONG. Let’s unveil the pivotal yet often overlooked aspect of dating that may be preventing you from discovering genuine, lasting love.
We’ll start by introducing two of our current, real life clients under the pseudonyms Nancy and Sydney.
Nancy is a vivacious woman who had an uncanny knack for meeting lots of men. Despite the enjoyable moments shared with these individuals, the relationships lacked the depth and fulfillment she desired. Conversations seemed to steer clear of the emotional realm, and the connections never graduated into any long-term relationship potential.
Then there’s Sydney, an accomplished woman with a trail of successes with four degrees under her belt. Residing in the heart of a tech metropolis, one would think the prospects would be plenty. But Sydney’s story took a different course. She found herself unable to encounter any men who could meet her seemingly insurmountable standards. An enigma of sorts, her life was marked by professional accomplishments but lacked a fulfilling romantic dimension.
In the stories of Nancy and Sydney, we uncover a common thread of distress. Their experiences left them bewildered and frustrated, grappling with a sense of incompleteness. The missing piece of the puzzle eluded their understanding. While they sound like two separate issues (lots of guys vs. no guys), they are actually dealing with the same problem…
You have to BE THE RIGHT PERSON in order to find the right person.
Let’s divide the strategy into two parts: Mindset and Actionable steps.
Strategy – Mindset: It is here that we unearth the cornerstone of relationship success. It is not about stumbling upon the perfect partner; rather, it revolves around BECOMING the perfect partner yourself. Within the fabric of relationships, you stand as the constant factor, the bedrock upon which everything else is built. If your self-perception is shaky, if you’re weighed down by unresolved issues, the relationships you forge will inevitably mirror that instability.
Identifying patterns and dissecting the existing mindsets that hinder your progress is a pivotal step. Nancy’s realization that she exhibited avoidant attachment tendencies shed light on her recurring choices in partners who exhibited similar traits. Sydney’s stringent criteria, though seemingly a defense mechanism, paradoxically acted as a barrier, obstructing genuine intimacy.
Strategy – Actionable: The path to relationship readiness begins with profound self-awareness. The concept of Self-Concept Clarity comes to the fore; it’s about understanding yourself with unwavering confidence. This clarity nurtures authenticity, certainty, and an unapologetic acceptance of oneself. Delve deep into your key relationship constructs, identifying patterns, addressing fears, examining attachment styles, and clarifying expectations. Hold yourself accountable for your role within relationship dynamics. Eradicate excuses. Ask yourself the RIGHT questions (“What type of partner/relationship am I READY for?” rather than “What am I looking for in a partner/relationship?”) Patience is key – sometimes, focusing on personal growth and development precedes stepping into the world of dating.
The underlying message resounds clearly: the journey begins within you. Prioritize self-improvement as a precursor to finding genuine love. Incomplete within yourself, you inadvertently seek someone else to fill the void, setting the stage for potentially detrimental and codependent relationships. Investing the time and effort to enhance your own being prepares you for the love you inherently deserve. BE THE RIGHT PERSON in order to find the right person.
While following your heart is essential, integrating strategic mindfulness into the process is equally important. As you embark on the voyage of love, remember that being relationship-ready isn’t a mere checklist to tick off; it’s a holistic mindset and an unyielding commitment to personal evolution. The path to discovering the “perfect man” starts with the transformation of your own self.
Editor’s note: Ready to attract love with a proven strategy? Watch this free video to learn the 7 powerful steps