The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Matthew 12:31 (NLT)
Have you wondered why you get hurt more?
Have you ever loved someone where it looks like you are the only one making all the efforts to keep the relationship together?
Have you ever had a sleepless night asking yourself if he or she loves you the way you do, or if you are the only one in the relationship?
If you answered yes to the above questions, then this article is for you. Sit down and let’s discuss this issue properly.
A relationship is good, but it becomes frustrating when you are the only one doing everything possible to keep the relationship or friendship alive, and this is the point where we feel hurt and abused.
Love is not just a word, but a word backed with commitment, and this commitment needs a mutual expression.
According to the scripture above, we are to love and relate with our neighbours (friends, dates or partners) just the way we relate and love ourselves.
So for the sake of understanding, let’s digest this scripture properly.
Self-love forms the foundation of successful relationships. You can’t succeed in a relationship until you have loved yourself.
You may ask, how?
How you love someone should be rooted in how you love yourself.
Before we move further, ask yourself this question “Do I love Myself?..”
According to the scripture above, we are to love our neighbours as we love ourselves. That means you are to love your neighbour or those around you based on the level of love you have for yourself, nothing less and nothing more.
If you love yourself, it will show in the way you relate or love your neighbor.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR THE WAY YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
Your neighbour is anyone who lives around you.
Your neighbour could be the person you are in love with because the person isn’t you. And you shouldn’t relate with them beyond the way you relate with yourself.
A genuine relationship will naturally make you love and value yourself more because it’s a platform that begins with you.
Loving someone beyond the way you love yourself is risky, and below are some negative things that could happen to you.
1. Get hurt:
You put yourself at risk when you love someone beyond the way you love yourself because it exposes you to getting hurt. Any little thing your partner does that isn’t agreeable to you could make you get hurt.
When the love you receive is not equal to the one you give, it’s a danger!
2. Prone to abuse:
Emotional abuse isn’t far from those who expressed love beyond the way they love themselves because you are exposing yourself to emotional abuse, and you can be taken for granted.
You can be disrespected, devalued and less appreciated when you expose yourself too much to someone who doesn’t reciprocate what you do.
Balance the Love!
To be on the safer side in your relationship, learn to balance the display and expressions of love.
Relate with people or your partner on the same level: on the level, he or she is relating to you because it will help to balance the love and save you from emotional stress.
Do you know why it seems like you are the one making or doing everything possible to make the relationship work? Do you know why you get hurt and emotionally abused? That’s because you are the one who loves the most and loving beyond the way you love yourself, beyond the love you are receiving.
To save yourself from all these emotional traumas, relate with people or your partner on the same level he or she is relating to you.
Expressing love to someone just the way the person expresses his love to you, is one way to build and keep your self-respect.
Showing care beyond the point they show you, it’s risky most times.
If what you do in your relationship isn’t reciprocated, balance the love.
One thing that gives a relationship some sweetness, it’s the expression of mutuality and when this is not clear in your relationship, then balance the love.
If he or she calls you, do the same. If they spend time with you, do the same. When they don’t do any of these, do the same because it will shield you from getting hurt and abused.
Only those who relate and treat you specially, deserve special treatment from you.
In a relationship where mutuality isn’t encouraged, one party get hurt eventually.
Loving Beyond yourself.
I realize that those who treat people they love beyond the way these people treat them are most times having an emotional problem.
Someone suffering from an inferiority complex will do everything possible to make sure his or her feelings are known and appreciated, even when the other person doesn’t value them.
Have you ever seen a relationship where the guy takes pleasure in molesting the lady and she still stays in the relationship and called it love? Such a lady is having a self-esteem issue. She might have lost the confidence that no other guy will want to enter a relationship with her, and for that reason, she will want to endure the pains, hoping he will change and treat her better one day.
Low self-esteem individuals are easily prone to any form of abuse.
Advantage/Disadvantage of balancing the love.
Trying to balance the love in a relationship comes with some disadvantages and advantages.
1. The relationship might end:
Most times when you treat people or the one you love based on how they treat you, the relationship will die a natural death with no form of pain, because by then you would have known that the people you claim to love doesn’t even care about you.
2. It will improve the relationship:
When you treat the person you love based on how he or she treats or relate with you, if the person cares about you, they will surely react to it and will do everything they can to restore and build the relationship better.
Some people will never know the damage they are doing to you until you serve them with the same treatment.
Genuine love will always offer you the opportunity to love yourself, and to love others based on the level of love you have for yourself because that is the golden principle of love. This kind of love encourages and promotes self-love.
Any relationship that will demand you to express love beyond the way you love yourself is abusive.
Truthfully, the only relationship that requires us to express love beyond the way we love ourselves, is the relationship we have with God.
God’s relationship with us requires us to love him with all our heart, soul and might even onto death because such a relationship is eternal.
When you love someone beyond the way you love yourself, you indirectly make that person an idol in your life, and that is a grievous act before God because he alone deserves that kind of love.
You want to be valued and treated in the right way you deserve, then love people just the way you love yourself.
Now that you have known the golden principle of love, do well to practice it and shield yourself from unwanted pains and heartaches.
I trust God this piece of information was helpful to you, and if it does, please do well to comment and ask your questions below if you have any.
And please, don’t forget to share this post and follow or subscribe to this page for more useful information that will help your life and relationship.