Sunday, April 14, 2024

The Hidden Agenda and Cost of People Pleasing and Giving To ‘Get’


Here are examples of experiences that cause low self-worth, loneliness, and hidden anger

  • Forcing yourself to forget about certain feelings and then forgetting you forgot them. Due to being pushed to your limit by later experiences, the buried feelings poke at you, causing confusion and overwhelm.
  • Experiencing a trauma or loss and never really having a chance to grieve properly. You don’t know where to start or where to put these feelings.
  • Habitually distracting from and quelling anger with other emotions, such as confusion.
  • Becoming desensitised to anger because you experienced a great deal of it. Normalising anger impacts not just your concept of anger but your ability to name and claim your own feelings. You might express anger similar to these people or be afraid of being ‘like them’ and suppress anger.
  • Growing up around someone who hogged everyone’s emotional bandwidth. You’re used to invalidating your feelings or certainly putting other people’s before yours.
  • Being punished, criticised or mocked for expressing feelings. You now second-guess your right and actual need for self-expression, no doubt with your inner critic reminding you of the past.
  • Being a perfectionist or unaware that your high, unrealistic standards are about seeking perfection. 

If you have a general sense of not feeling good about yourself, which can be isolating, look for where you stop yourself from expressing or recognising anger. 

Check out my podcast episodes about acknowledging, recognising and expressing your feelings. You can also download my free guide to help you connect with and process anger, Unsent Letters.

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