For many years, I have been teaching the many secrets of a successful marriage. Today, I will be sharing ONE SECRET often ignored in marriage and relationship by both singles, and married, it’s always been neglected, or disobeyed by men, mostly men from this part of the world: COMPATIBILITY
What’s compatibility in marriage or relationship?
In the context of marriage, compatibility means agreement and acceptance. It implies accepting the other partner for who they are and agreeing with them over their marital and life ideologies.
Marriages don’t necessarily succeed because the spouses are godly, prayerful, and knowledgeable. Of course, those factors are awesome. But marriage succeeds primarily because of compatibility.
In the context of marriage, compatibility means agreement and acceptance. It implies accepting the other partner for who they are and agreeing with them over their marital and life ideologies.
Marriages don’t necessarily succeed because the spouses are godly, prayerful, and knowledgeable. Of course, those factors are awesome. But marriage succeeds primarily because of compatibility.
Compatibility is fundamental and key to the success of every marriage.
In this part of the world, patriarchy is well entrenched in our societies. It’s more or less something like a man’s world. Here everything revolves around or centers around the men. Marriage isn’t left out of reality. When a man and a woman marry, most times they come to lead a life that is man-dominated and man-dictated. Because of that reality and consciousness, most times our men throw caution to the wind when choosing a life partner believing it’s their world. But many of them have been mistaken, and that has landed them into serious marital troubles.
I have been taught that being a man doesn’t mean that man can marry any woman he sees. Most men have taken me on this, arguing that a man can do so because he is the head. The head? That’s incorrect!
In this part of the world, patriarchy is well entrenched in our societies. It’s more or less something like a man’s world. Here everything revolves around or centers around the men. Marriage isn’t left out of reality. When a man and a woman marry, most times they come to lead a life that is man-dominated and man-dictated. Because of that reality and consciousness, most times our men throw caution to the wind when choosing a life partner believing it’s their world. But many of them have been mistaken, and that has landed them into serious marital troubles.
I have been taught that being a man doesn’t mean that man can marry any woman he sees. Most men have taken me on this, arguing that a man can do so because he is the head. The head? That’s incorrect!
Now this is where I am actually going to:
Do you share the same marital ideologies?
Does the woman you want to marry have the same understanding of marriage as you?
Do you have the same understanding of family finance?
Do you have the same understanding of conflict resolution?
Do you have the same understanding of managing the extended family?
Do you have the same understanding of intimacy and lovemaking?
Do you have the same understanding of parenting?
Do you have an agreement on the number of children you wish to have?
Do you have an understanding and agreement on career/life pursuits?
Do you share the same marital ideologies?
Does the woman you want to marry have the same understanding of marriage as you?
Do you have the same understanding of family finance?
Do you have the same understanding of conflict resolution?
Do you have the same understanding of managing the extended family?
Do you have the same understanding of intimacy and lovemaking?
Do you have the same understanding of parenting?
Do you have an agreement on the number of children you wish to have?
Do you have an understanding and agreement on career/life pursuits?
The above-mentioned salient issues should be taken into consideration, understood, and agreed upon by both lovers before marriage. No agreement, no marriage!
Realities on the ground show that many men just married women without a good understanding of what they were going into. Sometimes in marriage, the attitudes of the wives dubbed to be “negative attitudes” by some husbands are not really negative attitudes.
Realities on the ground show that many men just married women without a good understanding of what they were going into. Sometimes in marriage, the attitudes of the wives dubbed to be “negative attitudes” by some husbands are not really negative attitudes.
Now let me buttress my point:
As a man, you meet a very classy lady who spends so much on cosmetics and clothes (fashion in general). You knew about it very well. She even told you that she can’t marry you because she believes you can’t fund her expensive lifestyle. But no, you begged her to marry you, and somehow you both got married. Months after the wedding, you are alarmed and confused, demonizing her as a bad wife. Friend, she is not a bad wife. On the contrary, you’re the bad husband to her. Do you know why? You knew about it, she told you about her lavished lifestyle and high financial expectations, yet you were still hell-bent on marrying her. Many classy wives are having a great marriage. In marriage when some issues happen, it’s not always a case of morality, but choice.
As a man, you meet a very classy lady who spends so much on cosmetics and clothes (fashion in general). You knew about it very well. She even told you that she can’t marry you because she believes you can’t fund her expensive lifestyle. But no, you begged her to marry you, and somehow you both got married. Months after the wedding, you are alarmed and confused, demonizing her as a bad wife. Friend, she is not a bad wife. On the contrary, you’re the bad husband to her. Do you know why? You knew about it, she told you about her lavished lifestyle and high financial expectations, yet you were still hell-bent on marrying her. Many classy wives are having a great marriage. In marriage when some issues happen, it’s not always a case of morality, but choice.
As a woman, you are a career-minded lady. You met a man who believes that the rightful place of a wife is in the kitchen, not at the workplace or business world. He kept singing it to your ears since day one, and you heard him clearly. End the relationship, no you won’t. Rather, you have convinced yourself that you will find a way around it when married. Now five years into that marriage with that man, you’re not working, but you are a miserable full-time housewife because your husband has forbidden you to work. You go about calling him all kinds of unprintable names, demonizing him before your family and friends. Madam, your husband isn’t a bad spouse. You’re the bad spouse to him. You knew what you were going into, didn’t you?
The list goes on and on.
The list goes on and on.
Dear friends, many marriages have collapsed not because the spouses weren’t children of God, spiritual and prayerful enough, but because the foundation was faulty from the start. In fact, those marriages shouldn’t have happened in the first place. A marriage that shouldn’t have been in the first place is called a WRONG MARRIAGE. Many people are in the wrong marriage and they know it.
If you are still single and in a wrong relationship, you should consider ending it, otherwise be ready for a miserable marital life.
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