How can two walk together unless they agree? The truth is, many marriages get ruined because of misunderstandings. Misunderstandings are brought about by a lack of agreement on how to handle the issues that affect each marriage. Failing to agree will lead to the husband and wife interpreting things differently leading to feelings of hurt, insensitivity, rejection, intolerance, and indifference.
Agree with your spouse on, the do’s and don’ts. Have these statutes.
1) SEX RULES. Agree that you can have sex in whichever way and position, but also agree on what you will not try out. For example; no anal sex, no masturbation when you have each other, no pornography use, no inflicting pain, or no making love when she is on a monthly period, if he is horny then, how will she please him? Each couple is different. Agree on what are the limits and can for both of you.
2) PHONE RULES. Agree on how to handle the phone. For example, no chatting with others past 11 pm for that is an intimate time, no secrecy, you will not walk away from your partner’s presence when someone calls and you must inform your spouse about who has called.
3) MONEY RULES. Agree on how to use money. Will you have a joint bank account? What percentage can each use without the requirement of notifying the other? Who pays for house bills? Will there be joint Savings? Will there be an investment? No giving money to in-laws without the joint consent of you and your partner.
5) SOCIAL RULES. Agree you will make effort to introduce each other to your friends. Agree on how close friends of the opposite gender can get. Agree on which friends to keep. Agree on how often friends can visit. Your home shouldn’t be invaded by friends. There need to be boundaries for the sake of your marriage.
6) INFORMATION RULES. You need to notify each other where you are, even if with just a simple text. Agree on the need to tell each other your schedule for the day. Keep your spot now.
8) CHORE RULES. Agree on who does what is in the house. This will prevent any of you from feeling like you are doing too much work alone.
9) SOCIAL MEDIA RULES. You agree on the dos and don’ts of social media. For example, how to be associating on Facebook with your ex, not comment suggestively on other people’s posts, no indecent behavior, no airing domestic issues or posts on social media.
10) WORK RULES. Agree on limits of work. For example, no coming home with work, what to do when your careers conflict? What to do when you have different working hours? When to take leave or off days for the happiness of your marriage.
11) PARENTHOOD RULES. Agree on how to discipline the children, who does what, who goes for Parents’ days in school, do you take turns? What kind of food will the children eat for healthy growth?
12) INDIVIDUAL SPACE RULES. Agree that sometimes each of you will want some alone time, to work or to meditate, or just to relax and enjoy private time. Agree on how to notify your spouse, and pause when you want a few minutes to yourself. Your spouse will give you room if you need it.
Agreeing on these key issues brings about order, peace, and unity; both of you will know how to Navigate and behave.
If your marriage is chaotic because of a lack of order. It’s not too late to have a good conversation leading to an agreement on these issues.
Make your marriage simple
Written by Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech