Common Relationship Check In Mistakes To Avoid
Finally, let’s talk about the potential traps to watch out for. Otherwise, your relationship check in might start to feel like a chore at best, and just another opportunity for arguments at worst.
Don’t Bring Up All Of Your Problems At Once
Instead, pick one meaningful thing that you’d like to address, and trust that you’ll get to the other stuff next time.
Don’t Expect Miracles
By itself, a relationship check in isn’t going to fix all of your problems. If you’re facing some bigger issues, or you keep getting stuck on one topic, it might be time to call in outside support.
Don’t Forget To Celebrate
Our brain is hardwired to notice what’s not working – it’s called the negativity bias. And while it’s helpful for problem solving and innovation, if left unchecked it’ll damage your relationship.
Sometimes it takes effort to see the things that are already working, but it’s important to give yourselves credit. Always find things to appreciate and celebrate in your relationship.
Don’t Let It Drag On
If your check in turns into an hour+ deep dive every single week, you might start to resent them – or worse, each other. Less is often more, so keep it short.
This is not an opportunity to criticize your partner or point out all their flaws. If you have complaints you want to raise, get clear on what it is you want, and frame it as a request, rather than an attack.
(And if you need help having difficult conversations and handling conflict better, check out our Conflict to Connection communication course for couples).
Don’t Talk ‘Life Admin’
Keep the everyday life planning stuff out of your relationship review. If you need to, have a seperate meeting beforehand about who’s taking the kids to school or what home renovations need to be done. As the name suggests, keep your relationship check in focused on your relationship.
Don’t Overdo The Alcohol
As tempting as it is to crack open a whole bottle of wine, too much of a good thing can be counter productive.
Not trying to be the Fun Police here, we just know from experience that a few too many drinks can make the conversation messier, not better.
Don’t Forget The Fun
When we first started our relationship check ins, we paired them with tacos and card games. Did we look forward to our relationship check in each week? You bet!
As our life and weekly rhythms have changed, so too have our check ins. We’ve had them over coffee dates, during an afternoon stroll in the park, and cuddled up on the couch together.
There may be times that your check ins get a little serious, and that’s OK. But overall, you want this to be a time where you come together, connect, celebrate each other, and consciously work on making your relationship the best that it can be.
And that gets to be fun!