The moment that time stops. Le Petite Mort. The Big O. In general, most humans are rather fond of the sexual climax. After all, we didn’t get to 8 billion of us on the planet without some serious dedication to engaging in sex. There wouldn’t be so many of us here if we weren’t so enthusiastic about going cross-eyed and brain blank on the regular. We can get so focused on chasing that blissful space…overly focused even.
For any number of reasons—stress, medication, health, fatigue, etc, climax can be hard to reach. Today’s column comes courtesy of a reader whose partner is medicated and having some side effects as a result. When medication gets in the way, Le Petite Mort is much harder to achieve. How does one work around a med-induced roadblock? You have come to the right place dear reader, this happens to be one of my favorite topics and one I cover frequently in my classes, as this is a fairly frequent occurrence. Let’s do this!
“Due to the medication she’s on, my partner has a lot of trouble reaching orgasm. It isn’t impossible, but it is really rare. It almost seems random when she’s able to get there. Is there anything I can do to help? What can I do to make it more enjoyable for her even if she doesn’t come?”–No Orgasms Tonight Honey And Perhaps Postponed Every Night It’s Not Guaranteed
Hopefully it will set your mind at ease to learn that medication-induced difficulty in reaching orgasm is a rather common side effect NOT HAPPENING. While it is very thoughtful that you want to help and are seeking to find ways to make the experience enjoyable for her even without orgasm, the one part that isn’t clear from your letter is whether or not her inability to achieve orgasm regularly is troubling her, or if it is something that is mostly of concern to you.
Does Your Partner Have Any Intention Of Stoping The Medication?
Whatever health concerns she has, they were obviously enough of an issue for her to choose to get on medication. Medication side effects are discussed going in, and at this point, she is aware that difficulty in achieving orgasm is one of them. Some people find this particular side effect so undesirable that they will choose to go off their meds, as they would rather take the untreated health issue in order to have reliable orgasms. Your letter makes no reference to her considering getting off her medication, so I am going to guess that she finds the meds helpful enough that she wants to stay on them, despite the side effects.
Don’t Stress About The Climax
The best thing you can do to help your partner is to not stress about her achieving climax. You say that they happen rarely and rather randomly. That is definitely a hallmark of medication-induced blockage. There’s not going to be a specific formula or technique that will unlock the combination to achieve orgasm. It’s not the lack of you doing something that is making orgasm hard for her to achieve, it is the medication.
Hyper focusing on an orgasm as THE desired goal to be achieved actually ends up making it harder to achieve in the long run. Rather than view an encounter as somehow “less enjoyable” because a climax didn’t happen, take the orgasm off the table entirely. Don’t have it be the finish line you are trying to reach. Taking the orgasm off the table is a technique I teach frequently in my classes. Revel in the moment for the moment’s sake. It’s about sharing space with each other. The entire time should be treasured and cherished for what it is. It’s not only about leading up to one specific outcome.
Some of the best sex of my life didn’t include any orgasms, and I never go into an encounter thinking they are the whole point. They are not. They are fun, sure. Very fun. But they are not the end all and be all of sharing time and space with someone else in that most intimate of ways.
Is Lower Libido A Concern?
Your letter doesn’t mention her libido being lowered, it only references her having difficulty achieving orgasm. If she’s not complaining about how rare her orgasms are and if she is not discussing getting off of her medication because of how much she dislikes the side effects, there really isn’t an issue. There is a difference between medication making it hard for you to achieve orgasm as a side effect and an overall lowering of libido as a side effect.
As long as you are not trying to lock-pick your way through a med blockage in order to crack the orgasm safe or projecting concern or distress that an orgasm didn’t happen, your bedroom romps should be plenty enjoyable for her. If you are worried about her not enjoying herself, you can always ask her if there is anything the two of you could be doing to make it more thrilling for her. After all, effective communication is the lube that prevents chafing, and the better the communication, the less the chafing. Best of luck NOT HAPPENING and have fun with it!
Keep it Kinky My Friends,
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