The following is, without exaggeration, the single most powerful and effective thing you must do on all of your dates to have MASSIVE SUCCESS with any and all women, without exception.
You must stay present and in the moment during your interactions with women.
That’s it, that’s the big great secret. But it’s by far THE MOST IMPORTANT THING you must do if you want to have extremely successful first dates and interactions with women in general.
However, as simple as it sounds, it’s most definitely not easy. Because plenty of guys struggle with this concept. Which is why they have a very difficult time dating and getting into both serious and casual relationships.
But if you want to have a great dating life, then the concept of being present and in the moment when you’re on a date with a woman is something you really need to focus on and understand. It’s that important.
Sometimes it’s called being spontaneous, living in the now, being mindful. Some people even refer to it simply as mindfulness. Even though that’s something else because mindfulness focuses inwards on your feelings, body and mind. Whereas I’m talking about focusing on both you and your date at the same time, but mostly on her and on the interaction.
That’s why I prefer to call it being in the present moment so you’re able to fully experience the now. Because a person who’s living in the moment is “present.”
So read on because I’ll explain the importance of this concept in great depth, as always. And also tell you HOW to be present and in the moment when you’re with a woman.
I’m gonna talk about some really advanced stuff in this article, so brace yourselves 😉 But this knowledge will bring you a ton of success with girls.
Here’s Why Being Present and In The Moment Is The Most Important Thing In Dating And Seduction
Apart from having a high and healthy self-esteem, being present and in the moment is the foundation of effective and efficient seduction.
That’s because without it, it’s truly impossible to elicit raw, powerful attraction to seduce women. Plus, it makes everything so much easier.
Every single man who’s exceptionally successful with women knows this fact. And men who are naturally great with women understand intuitively that all of your genuine behavior and communication stems from this.
When you learn how to truly ground yourself so you can be in the present moment when you’re with women, so you’re able to focus your full and undivided attention on them, many great things will happen.
When you know how to use this “power” or “technique” or whatever you might want to call it consistently, it becomes like a superpower. Because the results it brings almost seem like magic to those who are unable to do it well. In my opinion, it’s the ultimate shortcut to success with women.
What does it mean to be in the present moment?
By definition, being in the moment is simply putting yourself into a state where you’re focusing on the now. On experiencing the experience from the driver’s seat, instead of just being swept away by it and being a passenger who’s only reacting to everything.
First and foremost, to do this the right way when you’re with a girl, you have to STOP THE INCESSANT THOUGHTS that are going through your mind.
You see, the vast majority of people have an unending stream of thoughts going through their mind pretty much ALL THE TIME. Thoughts about your day, your responsibilities, your problems, needs, wants, about yourself, other people, and so on and so forth. And those are just the general thoughts.
When you’re on a date with a woman you find very attractive, you get even more thoughts going through your mind. Thoughts like “Wow she’s so beautiful,” “I wonder if she likes me,” ” How do I get her to like me?” “What would she like to talk about?” “What do I say next?” “Will she like my joke?” “I really want to sleep with her,” and so on and so forth.
This incessant and unending stream of thoughts makes it really difficult to notice pretty much anything else. It makes it particularly hard to notice, take in and appreciate your date’s body language, facial expressions, mannerisms, etc. Because you’re too busy focusing on what’s in your mind and not on what’s going on around you. All to the detriment of your date.
That’s why you need get in the now, into the present moment. And to do that you have to make your mind still.
What’s more, you need to focus your attention not inwards on yourself, but outwards on the woman you’re with. You need to ATTEND to her. So you’re able to really appreciate her for who she is, both as a person, and visually, as a physical body. So you’re able to both connect with her and also feel aroused by her. I’ll explain h0w to do all that further below.
But first, here are some of the core reasons why you’ll want to learn how to put yourself in the now and start enjoying the present moment:
Focusing on the NOW stops you from overthinking things
First, being present and in the moment prevents you from being in your head too much.
You stop overthinking and over-analyzing things. Which eases doubt, stops you from second-guessing yourself all the time and prevents you from stifling yourself and your personality.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling of being stuck in your head too much. Always thinking things like “Did I say the right thing?”, “What did she mean by that remark?”, “Should I say this or that, or do this or that?”, “Do I kiss her now or wait?” and a ton of similar questions.
Thinking these things makes you doubt and stifle yourself. And that’s very unattractive.
It prevents both the conversation and interaction from flowing naturally and smoothly. And makes women feel uncomfortable around you. When they see you do this, they won’t feel at ease in your presence since you’re poisoning the vibe by being stuck in your head.
Simply put, overthinking things seriously affects how you experience and engage with the world around you. It cuts you off from enjoying the present moment and is mentally draining. Which means you won’t be able to relax and stay chill.
There are a ton of really negative consequences of overthinking things and being stuck in your own head. Far too many to list – but you get the idea.
Being present and in the moment makes you a great listener
Another reason why you should ground yourself and make sure you’re in the present moment when you’re with a girl is because it will make you a really good and attentive listener. And women appreciate this quality in men greatly.
You see, it’s incredibly difficult to communicate if you can’t even hear or understand what the girl is saying to you when she’s with you. And if you’re not in the moment and don’t focus your attention on her, you’re definitely not going to catch the most important things she says to you.
Be sure to read this article on how to never run out of things to say to women when you’re on a date. It includes a ton of great information on how to be a great listener and an exceptional conversationalist. You’ll be able to talk to women for hours once you’re done with it.
In that article, I explain how to show genuine interest when you’re listening to someone. As well as show you several techniques so people will like being around you and think you’re an amazing person because you really care about what they say.
And all of that stands firmly on the foundation of being present and in the moment when you’re talking to someone.
Living in the now helps you express yourself freely and have more fun
Being able to express yourself freely is another key to real success with women.
When you’re being present and when you allow yourself to be in the moment, you stop stifling yourself.
This lets your true personality shine. Which makes it incredibly easy to showcase your wit, sense of humor, charm and general allure.
Basically, it helps you be your true self and makes it easier to have fun with women. Not to mention people in general.
When you’re able to express yourself freely, it fills you with confidence. You’re going to have no trouble telling various jokes, wisecracks, funny, interesting and ridiculous stories and so much more in an engaging and passionate way. Which is always attractive to women.
When you’re being yourself, it’s always attractive because it’s always polarizing. And even if some women won’t like you, either because you don’t fit their tastes of their expectations – they will still respect you. Because it’s rare to find a guy who’s being unabashedly and authentically himself.
Grounding yourself in the present allows you to be naturally flirty
When you’re on a date and you’re focusing on the present moment, you’ll have a much easier time flirting with women.
For starters, it’ll be easier to maintain eye contact, which is proven to increase attraction. You’ll also have that fiery glint in your eye and a knowing smile – something women love and adore.
In fact, you’ll be able to connect with women from a place of masculinity and abundance. As opposed to insecurity and neediness.
Your natural, flirty, charming self will come out. Which means you’ll be able to tease women more effectively. And use things like push/pull naturally, without thinking of it as a technique, to elicit various strong emotions. And touch the girl you’re with at just the right time in all the right places. To spark some sexual tension.
That’s because when you’re in the moment and focusing on the girl, you’ll be able to connect on an emotional level. And attraction as well is seduction is all about the emotions.
When you’re in that state, in your own little bubble, blocking out the world, you’ll understand intuitively what needs to be done and when. Because you’re just having a good time together, focusing on each other, instead of on various external things and unnecessary bullshit.
Focusing on the present moment helps create a very comfortable vibe
When you focus your attention on your date and on having a good time, it will help you a lot with comfort.
You see, comfort is really important in seduction and general success with women. Because the girl has to be comfortable with you, your presence and your touch if she’s to sleep with you.
And when you’re focusing your attention on her – when you’re calm, cool and collected because you’re simply being there, soaking it all in and enjoying her company and the whole experience in general – it feels amazing for her. And she feels comfortable with and around you because of your soothing presence.
That’s because women are used to men wanting them just for sex. They’re used to men having an ulterior motive. So when you simply focus on having fun and on getting to know them, without having an ulterior motive in mind, women will feel extremely comfortable with you very fast.
Having the mindset of “I’m here to have a good time and enjoy each other’s company” is a must. Having this focus takes the pressure off and allows you to be smooth, cool and comforting.
This has a lot to do with the abundance mentality as well as outcome independence. When you’re not desperate around women, you relax more and let yourself enjoy the moment more, without trying to please overly hard.
Which brings me to my next point:
Enjoying the moment stops you from trying to impress women
When you’re being in the moment with a woman, you’re communicating with her as a human being to a human being. As complete equals. Which instantly makes it impossible to think someone’s out of your league.
Very few men do this during the date because usually they don’t feel at ease. Neither with themselves nor with the situation they’re in.
They think they need to somehow impress the girl so she’ll like them. But when they think this, they end up putting a ton of pressure on themselves and end up failing miserably because of that. Especially if they think the girl is “out of their league” and put her on a pedestal.
But here’s the truth: You don’t really need to impress the girl to have a great date. Because it’s not about the things you own, or the things you achieve or even the money you have. It’s all about how you make women FEEL when they’re around you. And that’s a skill, which sometimes comes naturally to some people.
More importantly, since it’s all about emotions, you need to learn how to lead your date from the heart and not from the mind. Not from logic but from spontaneous feelings. Which is exactly what being in the moment does.
I kn0w this sounds like some woo-woo new-age hippie bullshit. But this is because it’s extremely difficult to explain the feeling and has to be experienced to be understood. Those who know how it feels to be in the zone when you’re with a woman or around women will know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
In the pickup community it’s called being in state. It’s when you feel on top of the world and everything you do or say is golden because you exude 100% intensity+confidence+charm.
Being in this state is like being on the super highway of success with women. And you can get into this state often if you just learn how to be present and in the moment when you’re with girls you like and find attractive.
And now I’ll tell you a few ways how you can do that.
How To Focus On The Now To Start Enjoying The Present Moment
There are several great ways to get out of your head and plant yourself straight into the now. And start being in the present moment.
Some of these ways require practice and are a bit difficult to do right away. But when you master them, you’ll be able to propel yourself into this wonderful state and start enjoying the present moment whenever you want.
Other ways are extremely easy and everyone can do them right away, but many aren’t very suitable for regular, calm, normal occasions. Because they involve getting really physical, or even shocking yourself out of your incessant thoughts.
The not-so-subtle, crazy ways to become present
For example, one guaranteed way that some of the more daring pickup artists use in clubs to force themselves into the present moment and stop the incessant and unnecessary stream of thoughts in their head is to squeeze some lime juice from their cocktail into their eye.
It’s pretty drastic, a little bit crazy, somewhat painful but extremely effective. Because you can’t think about various your taxes, what you’re gonna have for dinner, or whether someone will like your joke or not IF YOUR EYES ARE ON FIRE. It literally FORCES you into the present moment through sheer shock and pain.
I’ve personally seen this done and even done this once or twice myself, for shits and giggles and just to see how it works. And let me tell you, while it did force me to stop overthinking things, this is definitely not for me. Since it didn’t really calm me, to say the least.
Another guaranteed way to get into the present moment is to do something really physical. Like 20 burpees or a sprint up 10 flights of stairs. Because intense physical strain forces you to be present and in the moment. But that’s not really practical and the effect doesn’t last very long.
A third way that’s pretty drastic would be to perform a raw, animalistic, primal roar.
Basically scream at the top of your lungs and let it all out. It’s guaranteed to put you in the present moment and un-stifle you, but again, it’s not very practical. Especially when you’re on a date.
Although I did try it when on a date, when me and a girl were walking on a beach in the evening, where there weren’t many people around. And as a challenge, I asked her if she could scream at the top of her lungs and did so myself. Again, for shits and giggles. And it worked quite well and we both had fun with it.
But these ways, as fun as they are, don’t last very long. Except the lime-in-your-eye one, since the pain lasts quite a while 🙂
That’s why I’ll show you two of my favorite, much better and more relaxing ways to get in the now. Something you can use when you’re on a date, no matter what venue you’re in.
1) Focus on her eyes and really drown yourself in them
One of my favorite techniques to plant myself into the present moment and appreciate the person I’m in is to drown myself in their eyes.
However, you should only use this technique when you already like each other. To turbocharge your success with this woman further. Instead of using it to spark spark the initial attraction.
That’s because if you do this right away, it will be too intense much too fast. And most women will feel overwhelmed by this technique and feel uncomfortable with you.
Here’s what you do: When you’re sitting beside each other and are close, you start gazing into her eyes really intensely. You notice the color of her eyes, the shape of the iris, the darkness of the pupils. And while you’re doing this, you smile knowingly – as if you know something she doesn’t. A simple cheeky grin will do. And you keep this intense eye-contact and learn to feel comfortable with it.
Really and truly immerse yourself in her eyes. Watch every little detail you can see and try to genuinely appreciate their uniqueness and beauty and enjoy the moment.
Several great things are going to happen when you do this. If you do it correctly, without being creepy or weird about it.
First, it will deepen your mutual attraction, since eye contact is PROVEN to boost intimacy and increase attraction.
Second, it will create some sexual tension.
Third, it will make her wonder what you’re doing, and she’ll ask you a few questions. Like “What are you thinking about?” or “What’s going on?” or simply “What?”
How you answer them will determine where the interaction goes next. And since the moment will be pretty intimate, in many cases, if you play your cards right and answer them in a confident, cheeky, sexy way, you’ll often end up hooking up the very same night.
The point of this technique is very simple. You force yourself to experience the moment with her. Because when you’re staring intensely into someone’s eyes, it’s very difficult to think about anything else.
I’m not even entirely sure why it works so well like that, but try it and you’ll see for yourself.
I use this a lot on my dates when I feel there’s some mutual attraction between us. And it propels my chances of success with women all the time and often results in raw, deep attraction on both sides.
2) Slow down your breath and breathe deeply
Another solid way to put yourself into the state of enjoying the moment is to slow down your breathing and focus on it. As well as slow down your movements in general.
Basically, without drawing much attention to it, when you’re there on the date and are talking to each other, slow everything down. Take about 5 seconds to breathe in, and 5 seconds to breathe out. And do this for the next 2 to 5 minutes.
You’ll quickly notice a huge difference in how you’re behaving.
First, it will destroy most of the anxiety. Second, it will make you feel more at ease with yourself and you’ll be more chill and relaxed. Which will project a confident, suave and comfortable vibe. And third, you will seem significantly more in control of yourself to the woman you’re with.
Breathing techniques like slowing down your breath is a tried and true method. Used by many world-class professionals to reduce anxiety and to focus on something. From brain surgeons and race-car drivers to artists and stage performers.
When you use this technique to focus on the girl you’re with and be in the moment with her, you’ll have a much better and more memorable date. You’ll be able to talk to her and just shoot the shit without a care in the world. You’ll vibe together much better and more easily. And you’ll be in rapport with one another much quicker.
That’s because all of your sub-conscious communication will change significantly when you’re in a deep state of relaxation and when you’re anxiety-free. Since it’ll allow you to express yourself freely and you won’t bog down your brain with unnecessary thoughts.
You’ll be more spontaneous and more fun to be around, without using any gimmicks. It’s like a mini-meditation session, while you’re in the presence of another person. But the focus is not mindfulness or nothingness or even your breath itself. The focus is THE GIRL YOU ARE WITH.
Really see her for who she is, notice all her details, feel the timbre, cadence and pitch of her voice. Hang on her every word and LISTEN to what she says NOT in order to reply but to really hear her and understand her. Without thinking in advance what you’re going to say next.
When she’s done speaking, take a few moments to think over what she says, and then reply. Then you’ll have a MUCH bigger impact on her with your words.
This is what leads to true success with women when you master it. This is what it means to be present in the moment.
Final thoughts on success with girls by being in the moment
I’ve shown you two of my favorite ways to be in the now when you’re on a date with a girl.
Obviously there are many more ways to do it, but these to work really well from my personal experience.
For more examples and to get further ideas on what it means and how to do it, you can even read the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I haven’t read it myself to be honest. But I’ve discussed it with friends who did and they say it gives you a solid foundation of understanding the present moment and how to be in it. As well as shows you the myriad of benefits.
I’ve read his book “A New Earth” though and thought it was good.
Whichever way you choose, know that when you focus your attention on the girl in a genuinely appreciative way and show authentic interest in her, your date will go really well.