There is no denying the fact that long-distance relationships are a tough act to sustain. Keeping a relationship going when there is a lack of physical contact requires a high degree of commitment from both partners. Getting your relationship started on a firm footing would be a lot easier if you knew what guys want in a long-distance relationship. Once you are aware of this, you can work toward establishing a healthy relationship and negotiate some of the pitfalls that these relationships throw up.
As mentioned before, a long-distance relationship is hard at the best of times. For a healthy long-distance relationship to take root and flourish, both partners must be on the same page. Once you are sure of this, you can look to establish intimacy in a long-distance relationship that will lay the groundwork for a solid relationship.
Let us have a look at some of the things that are required to build a solid foundation for a long-distance relationship. These will help you to better understand what guys want in a long-distance relationship.
11 Things Guys Want In A Long-Distance Relationship
Every relationship has certain attributes that are essential to its long-term health and long-distance relationships are no different. However, the physical distance makes it more difficult to maintain an emotional connection with your partner. To be a good girlfriend in a long-distance relationship with no physical contact, you will need to work hard on other aspects of your relationship to keep the emotional connection alive and your relationship healthy. To be able to do that, you need to understand your partner’s wants and needs. Let’s take a few things that guys look for in a long-distance relationship:
1. Communication is key
The main thing to do in a long-distance relationship is to maintain clear communication with your partner. Intimacy in a long-distance relationship can only be fostered by effective communication. The physical distance between you two makes it all the more imperative to have open and honest communication because:
- Some guys tend not to talk about their feelings, which can then remain unresolved and fester
- Talking about your feelings strengthens the emotional connection between a couple
- Talking openly about how you are feeling helps build trust
- Without communication, suspicion and mistrust can make it difficult to sustain the relationship
I remember getting extremely irritated with my then-long-distance girlfriend would get upset and didn’t want to talk about it. My mind told me that it was something I had said or done but I couldn’t figure out what. Her silence and insistence every time she was upset drove a wedge between us, and in the end, I broke off the relationship. Honest and open communication could have worked wonders and avoided that.
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
2. Honesty builds trust
Honest communication with your long-distance partner will help him trust you and he will begin to appreciate you more. Trust is essential for any relationship but even more so in a long-distance relationship. Ironically, trust in a long-distance relationship is hard to build.
The physical distance between you two can breed distrust, especially if he feels that you are hiding something and the best way to dispel any misgivings on his part is to be honest and open with him. Building trust is one of the first things to do in a long-distance relationship.
3. Spend time together
Let’s face it, the physical gap between you two makes it harder to form an emotional connection. Your physical separation doesn’t mean you cannot spend time together. You can, virtually.
An emotional connection can only happen if you spend time together, quality time. Guys enjoy spending time and sharing experiences with their partners.
If your long-distance boyfriend had a bad day, you could provide him with the emotional support he needs. You could do this by doing things that you both enjoy.
- Watch a movie of his choice with him
- Go online shopping together (for him)
- Send him something to make him laugh on social media
- Talk to him about his day and get him to open up
I remember going through a rough patch in my personal life when I was in this long-distance relationship and emotional support from my partner helped me tide over it. This was only possible because we spent a lot of time together online.
4. Set goals together
Setting goals and making future plans with him will help strengthen your involvement with each other and bring a sense of belonging and commitment to the relationship. This will bring you closer together despite the physical gap in your relationship. The goals could be:
- Minor — watching a movie online together
- Major — future plans about living together
- Planning a holiday together
- Traveling to meet each other
- Discussing money matters
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5. Surprises can bring you closer
Surprising each other periodically can go a long way in bringing you closer. You can keep the spark alive with unexpected gestures such as:
- A surprise gift
- A care package
- A surprise visit
- Surprise messages
These kinds of unexpected romantic gestures tell him that you care and are willing to put in time and effort into the relationship. Periodic surprises can help keep your relationship vibrant despite the physical distance between you.
6. Solve problems together
Solving issues together can help bridge the gap in a distance relationship. The problems could be between you two or faced by either of you individually. Some of the problems you might face include:
- Scheduling online calls
- Dealing with each other’s insecurities
- Issues at work (for either of you)
- Issues with family or friends
Working together to solve a common issue is essential and guys like a calm partner who they can work out a solution with. In case it’s a problem faced by either of you, the emotional support you provide each other will help bring you closer.
7. Connect emotionally as well as intellectually
Building strong emotional and intellectual intimacy will go a long way in bridging the distance between you. A lot of guys like discussing things that interest them. If you can show interest in the same things as well as share your personal stuff, you can strengthen those emotional and intellectual bonds and feel closer to each other.
However, remember to give him his space when he requires it. He will appreciate you all the more for it.
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8. It pays to be patient
One of the biggest challenges in long-distance relationships is impatience. Patience is an attribute that your guy will appreciate and is vital for an LDR to work. It will help you deal with issues resulting from your physical separation.
Along with patience, having a positive attitude will help you overcome the challenges that a long-distance relationship throws up. These attributes will signal to your partner that you are serious about the relationship and making it work.
- If your partner is unavailable for some reason, don’t turn it into a reason for conflict
- Juggle your respective schedules to make time for each other
- If you want something from him, express it clearly
- Be patient with him when it comes to your expectations
9. Frequent dates are a must
Virtual dates are a must if you are to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Some long-distance dating ideas could include:
- Listening to music
- Attending VR events
- Playing games
- Cooking the same meal
These will help him feel your presence. In this digital age with video calls and online meetings, all it takes is good internet connectivity to stay and feel connected to one’s partner. Make sure you don’t take that for granted. Virtual dates will give you plenty of shared experiences and plenty of things to discuss. These shared experiences will help you both feel closer and will help keep the relationship alive.
10. Express your love
Don’t be afraid to express your love often. Guys need to feel loved and when you are separated by distance, it is all the more essential to express that love to reinforce it. Now, there can be countless ways to express love, and it boils down to your individual personalities and the nature of your relationship dynamic. However, if you feel pressed for ideas, you could:
- Send him a surprise gift
- Send him a random text or voice message saying you miss him
- Buy him 2 tickets for a concert or a match (for him and a friend)
- Send him articles or reels on matters that interest him
My girl would express her love often, signing off every video call with an “I love you”, and that really warmed me up. It made her physical absence somewhat bearable for me and made me feel closer to her.
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11. Plan your visits together
What guys want in a long-distance relationship above all else is to be with their partners. There is, after all, no substitute for being physically together. Working with your partner to schedule periodic trips to meet each other should be a priority. The frequency of these trips would depend upon several factors, money being a big one. Plan such visits as often as possible. They will keep the spark alive in your relationship.
How Do You Make A Guy Feel Loved Long-Distance?
This is a question that almost every person in a long-distance relationship asks. How to make your partner feel loved when you are not present physically can prove to be a daunting task but it is possible. Here are a few ways in which you can make your guy feel loved from far away.
1. Letter writing
In the pre-technological era, long-distance relationships were kept alive by writing letters. Letter writing is so compelling because you put all your thoughts and feelings into it. I remember my mum and dad who lived continents apart, writing love letters to each other regularly. Mum would wait eagerly waiting for news from his end.
Make sure you channel all your thoughts and feelings into your love letter and let him feel your love. The letter can be saved and reread whenever he misses you and if you could include a recent picture of yourself, so much the better. A letter is much more effective than just an email and tells him that you are putting in that extra bit for him.
2. End the day with a call
This is something that he will want as much as you and it tells him that you too are invested in the relationship. Talking to each other at the end of the day and telling each other how the day went is a must. This might be challenging if you are in a different time zone, but finding a way to make it work will pay dividends.
3. Sexting is fun
The lack of sex in a long-distance relationship can be very challenging to deal with. Sex is, without doubt, one of the most important expectations in a romantic relationship. The lack of physical intimacy engendered by the physical distance makes sexting a necessity in a long-distance relationship.
While it is not a substitute for the real thing, sexting can help foster a sense of intimacy and connection. So, let go of your inhibitions and make the most of text, audio, and video messages to keep the sensual spark alive in your relationship.
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4. Stay connected
Technology can help you stay connected to him. There are several long-distance relationship apps, along with social media platforms and messengers, that can ensure that you feel like an integral part of each other’s lives, despite the distance separating you,
Send him pictures of yourself, share your opinions with him, and send him PDAs to tell him how much you love him. While not everyone approves of social media PDAs, a healthy dose of it will definitely help him feel loved. The operative word here is healthy. Be sure not to overdo it.
5. Arrange to meet
There is no real substitute for meeting physically, so it is important to prioritize meeting him in person — and make sure it’s just the two of you. Don’t make travel plans to meet him along with friends. Meeting him alone will send him the right message and will make him feel loved. If possible, visit him rather than wait for him to come to you. Showing up at his door with a bunch of flowers and his favorite donuts is the sweetest way to surprise your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship. You could also meet him elsewhere for a holiday, but make sure you spend as much time together as possible.
- Among the things guys want in a long-distance relationship are honest and open communication, plenty of patience and trust, and effort that makes them feel loved
- Spending time and doing things together online will help you to connect emotionally as well as intellectually with each other
- The challenge of being physically apart can be addressed by means such as sexting and arranging to meet periodically
I hope the understanding of what guys want in a long-distance relationship helps you nurture your connection and brings you closer to one another. This type of relationship requires a lot more effort from both partners. If you’re committed to making the effort to make your guy feel loved, there is no reason why you can’t build a lasting, wholesome relationship with him.