“Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” Franklin P. Jones
Love seems so simple you feel it in your whole being. You are glowing and see all the wonderful cute things in your love partner; you can’t believe it’s happening, you are walking on sunshine, and everyone around you knows it! You have fallen in love.
For hundreds of years, people thought love (and most other heartfelt emotions) lay within our hearts. As it turns out, love is all about the brain – which, in turn, makes the rest of your body go wacky. The chemicals and hormones present themselves and affect your thoughts, actions, and attachment. You are attracted, and dopamine kicks in; whoop, there it is.
Add some serotonin and oxytocin, and you are hooked. You are giddy, euphoric, and over the moon. You are now officially seeing one another through the lens of these hormones. Your blinders are on, and bonding with your love is seamless. Love is marvelous and magical and keeps the world on its ear.
But what happens when this love chemistry fades? Those very blinders can and will fall off. Splat, a drop in those hormones. It is a moment it can come on slowly or abruptly; it is different for everyone. You are standing across from your love and can now see them. This can be disastrous, and that alone can cause a split, or it can be a moment of truth. A moment to know, love, and accept your love for who they are.
There is no room to change someone; that is folly and can place you in a teacher role that doesn’t belong in grown-up love scenarios.
The blinders are off now. It’s possible to love on a deeper, more genuine level. Understanding how to listen, be heard and be accepted for who you are and for who they are, now that is love.
I have had love end badly, with much heartbreak. I know the loss of love runs as deep as falling madly in love. I have been ripped in two, brutal. I wrote about my love journey in “A Man for Every Purpose, My Naked Journey Searching for love,” a book that lands somewhere between ‘Sex and the City’ and ‘Eat Pray Love,’ three of my favorites.
I have found that attachment formed based on friendship, respect, and deep concern for your partner is a good foundation. The first part of love is a great ride, but eventually, it will become something else. When that something else looks like the person you want to spend time with and share yourself with, that is a tremendous thing. Rough patches will happen as adjustments and arguments. No two people are perfect, no one is perfect, but love will win if you are ready to find a healthy match.
There is a “formula” for what love is. However, it’s a work in progress, with many unanswered questions.
Love can be the thing that sparks your every morning or makes you never want to get out of bed. I am glad I wrote about the love in my life. It is a good example of how the love that comes in directly correlates to how you feel about yourself at the time. What? That is something to look at!
Everyone will have their love journey. And, for better or worse, hormones will factor in for a while anyway. What happens after that is up to you.