“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.” W. C. Fields
They had been going out for nearly two months. She thought, with this one, I will take my time. Everything seemed just perfect, like two peas in a pod. They matched humor, love for hiking, cooking, shopping, and meticulously clean. Every box checked out, and they were on their way to the next day, the next week, and the following year. Could this be the one?
After three months together, they apprehensively slipped into naked time with a gusto attempt at fitting together in the bedroom.
It did not work. She rolled over and thought, oh no. When she left his house the following day, a phone call to her best girlfriend included tears.
They had a conversation about being together sexually that was riddled with half-truths and lame. He had an excuse, but honestly, he was trying something different, her. His taste in the bedroom was his preference, and she did not fit his role. He knew it but loved her anyway.
At that point, she was also hooked on him; she found a best friend, and she looked forward to seeing him. They laughed, cooked, and played but climbed into bed like a sleepover with a great gay boyfriend.
No sex led to no sex.
Months went by holding hands, antique shopping, and cooking together, perfection in so many ways, but the no sex was always the silent partner in the room. She wondered if she could evolve into a relationship without sex but realized she did just that. She had had many a boyfriend and was no stranger to sex, but could she continue honestly with a sexless love? He was the best in many ways, and the questions of compromise loomed through her thoughts.
Can anyone have it all?
I mean, how much of a sacrifice was she making anyway? She loved him and brushed aside feeling less than sexy with him, and for him and herself, she was feeling less than sexy. She missed being desired, waking up in the middle of the night in the depths of passion. That was not going to happen with him. She was as quiet as a church mouse and polite with him.
That is just what they did for over a year.
She found herself wanting more, wanting to be lusted after, wanting to dress sexy and impact her love. After a night out with her girlfriends, she dressed sexy for them. She knew it was time to break up with her boyfriend without sex.
He missed where his true passion was. He was feeling out of sorts but fell into a routine that he, too, adored.
She ended it as it was, polite. They were tearful, but a compromise was happening with each of them. He was not gay; he had preferences in the bedroom and chose not to include her.
It was a goodbye for both of them.
She would always miss the friendship, kinship, and love they had. He put her into the I won’t try that again. It was over; they set themselves free to follow what was most natural.
Loves come, go, and shows up in surprising ways. To be free enough to love and accept someone the way they are is sincere. Sometimes a placeholder can be a lovely place until that extraordinary one shows up. After all, you are learning about yourself along the way, and that is where your most valuable lessons will appear.
Take notes, love who you will, and understand what works for you is where you can openly love most genuinely. Be authentic and be vulnerable to those who have earned the right to see, hear, and know you.
My Mantra: “Love is always a journey not to be judged, but learning is the key.”